yesterday my friend loaned me her car.
yes, how amazing it is to have incredible, beautiful
people in our lives. i have some of the very
finest and best on earth. you all are some of
them. i've made it purely by the loving investments
others have poured along the sidewalk of my life.

i know you think i am never going to get a car.
but i am saving everything i can...everything...so
i can buy the very one God is saving for me. i KNOW
He has one. i absolutely know. through all my tears,
i have come to complete peace about this.

anyway,
i drove to marysville
where brandt and jasmine and my only,
doll-baby grandson live. i literally never knew
HOW MUCH i could love a baby the way i do
colben. born on thanksgivng day almost two
years ago. there is some shape of miracle that
he should pop his beautiful, curly, little head into
the world on such a special day. the children were
all home for turkey, and we got to watch colben's
birth instead. imagine!!! God gathered everyone,
and surprised us with a gift that made turkey and
mashed potatoes and gravy seem like chicken nuggets.

when i am with colben, all the hard things in my life
completely disappear. i laugh and cry and giggle and
kiss him and tickle him and crawl around the house on
my hands and knees until he can't stop giggling. he is
beautiful and precious and untouched by ugly things. oh,
life will come along and bruise him and hurt him, but not
today. thank Jesus, not yet.

and he and i have a special relationship. special.
we have our own language. we are completely content
in each other's arms. safe and joyful and at peace as
if flowers grew in gravel and thunder was dressed up in
choirs and dust was like perfume and uncontaminated.
he chatters incessantly and tries to say every word i say.
his head is full of fly-away curls going in every direction,
and he is sweet. so sweet. he has the look of mischief
in his eyes exactly like brandt did as a baby, and the
caramel-cream color of jasmine's skin. he's perfect and such a
gift and i am crying as i write this because i am so
grateful for him. for my beautiful daughter-in-law who
so selflessly shares him. for God's massive love that
created colben and knew it would be one of His finest gifts
in my life.

continued tomorrow.....

my Bible study is on genesis.
that God, and Jesus in Him, created the
whole world. poured form into nothingness.
rivers and winding streams and mornings
fresh and shining with a golden sun. and darkness
when we lay down our burdens, and turn off the lights,
and kiss the children and sleep.

along with snakes and horses and giraffes and fish
of the sea and every redwood and rustling tree, He
decided to create man and woman. and families. and
His joy and real purpose for us is to simply glorify Him.
praise Him and love Him and rejoice in Him and trust Him
inspite of all our brokenness and struggles and this journey
called life. to celebrate that God is bigger and higher and
greater than all earthly things. that if we glorify Him, He will
deliver us out of every distress. that worry really is unnecessary.

oh, i have problems with worry. it is as if the devil creeps into
my mind and heart while i am sleeping, and takes a cat-scan
of my life and stamps these little wrinkles of concern and fear
and uncertainty in my mental wiring. and i cave in because i'm
not hiding enough of God's Word in my heart. and quieting
myself. stopped. still. wrapping up in His arms. remembering
that Jesus has ALWAYS worked EVERYTHING out! in 66 years,
He has NEVER failed me. never. ever. ever.

amazing love.
amazing love.
that Jesus came.
and is our Redeemer.
yes, we are human and imperfect and we
forget and get scared, but God still smiles on us
and longs for us. longs for our bowed heads and
humbled knees and shouting praises and joy.

oh, may Jesus come to us today.
may we allow Him to fill us completely.
to know His thoughts and ways are so beyond
ours, and in God's eyes, everything makes sense.
everything is allowed in our lives for His shaping and
purposes.

worship. glorify. praise.
run with His joy shining in your eyes
and spilling out of your arms and toes and
onto all those around you. wave your arms.
lie flat on your face in pure, unsullied awe for
everything He is and does. glorify. glorify.

i remember how sober i always felt
when i had a new book coming out.
i was always aware that God would expect
me to live up to every word i had written.
every emotion i had expressed.

yesterday was a long, busy day.
the closer evening came, the more
i tried to talk myself out celebrate recovery.
tired. a hot bath. pick up groceries. and
then, every time that thought came, i remembered
i had just written a blog about going to meetings
you've commited to. and that the worse you feel,
the more blessed you usually will be.

i worked on emails.
made phone calls.
stayed in town until 7 p.m.
when celebrate recovery started. the
first hour is worship and teaching or
a testimony. the second hour is made
of individual groups. different addictions.
food. anger. co-dependancy. drugs and
pills. i've been attending the co-dependant
group. there were maybe ten of us.

my teeth weren't brushed. my hair was
tied back in a ponytail. nothing fresh on.
i walked into a small room. purse slung over
my shoulder. timid. quiet. smiling. blue eyes
cast around the table; checking each woman.
and sharing began.

the woman who lost her son, and found a deeper
walk than she ever imagined with the Lord. another
has four children, with a boyfriend to pay the bills and
children being children. one smoking pot. another sent
off to live with her father. we all had a good laugh over
the woman who has been married 36 years, and can't
stand that her husband follows her around, turning off
the lights after her. i just listened. that is what i needed.
each confession touched me in some special way.

it was almost 10 p.m. when i walked in my front door.
weary....but blessed. restored. so aware of everyone
else's struggles rather than my own. carried beyond myself
to a higher realm where all the other broken people are
trying to make it. with courage. and heart. i fell into
bed so grateful i shoved myself out of panera's to the
celebrate recovery meeting. fighting every darkness
that tried to thwart me. hallelujah. amen.

tap your mind.
trace Scripture verses that give you
courage to move forward. to stand.
with face to the rising Son where all our
help and hope and deliverance comes.

"my eyes are ever toward the Lord, for He
shall pluck my feet out of the net." psalm 25:15

"I have cared for you since you were born.
yes, i carried you before you were born.
I will be your God throughout your lifetime...
until your hair is white with age.
I made you and i will care for you.
I will carry you along and save you."

"trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and
lean not on thine own understanding. in all
thy ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct
thy path." prov. 3:5-6

most of my gray is covered with color.
i run alittle differently on one of my feet.
i have run down a very long road. up and
around and down and under and trudging back
to the surface of genuine deliverance. some-
times i am not running, but merely crawling.

God has been my Lord for all these 66 years.
faithful and loyal and true to me no matter what
anyone else thinks or what i've fallen into.

tuck your favorite Scriptures into the crevices
of your mind. the more you can squeeze in, the
more power you have in your reserve. every
word God speaks is true. His promises rock-solid.
may we discover fresh truths. may His promises
help us to run with fervor and joy. yes! run and feel
the wind at our backs and touch all those who pass
our way. His promises say we can!

having a quiet time
every morning is such a
challenge for me. there are
so many other things calling out
to me for attention.

always wanting to call jan, first thing.
my twin. my best friend. my confident.

my latest mystery novel.
i ALWAYS have a book by my bed.
something to lose myself in. a story
that transports me from my worries and
pressures at home to someone else's story.
at night, i can scarcely put my latest book down.
and in the early morning (my hardest time of every day),
i want to grab that book.

if i had internet where i live,
it would be another battle to deal with.
but, as you know, as of right now i have
no internet. panera's my source.

spending time with Jesus should always
be the FIRST thing on our list every single day.
praising Him. basking in His blessings. His glory.
His gifts. putting on our spiritual armour. handing
Him all our worries and cares. our dreams that
might seem so far off and even impossible.
pleading....earnestly pleading....for God to cover
our children. to heal their wounds. to draw them
to Himself, whatever that means. and for me?

i am just claiming the Blood.
life is ALL about the Blood of Jesus.
the Blood that buries our darkness and
raises us to stunning, fresh light.
the Blood that promises forgiveness for
our daily sins and comfort for our wounded
souls. giving our day to God is the only way
to really begin. i think of that day of my car
accident. how i walked out the door, forgetting
my quiet time, and walked back inside to my
prayer place. never suspecting that within a half
mile of where i live, i would be thrown into a real
life and death situation. i'm so grateful i didn't
forget God that morning!

time is not important.
the yearning and reaching out
to the Savior of our souls is. tomorrow,
first thing, remember to run to Jesus.
the Music that resonates in our darkest
nights and greatest victories. He is always
waiting for us.

monday night is bible study fellowship.
tuesday is celebrate discovery.
thursday night is my 12-step group.

so many nights....so many weeks...i don't feel
like attending any of these. i do everything in my
power to talk my way out. to ask the Lord to please
give me a break on one of these meetings. but...
i pull on fresh clothes. brush my teeth. and head
out the door. struggling. so many times.

and then, i arrive at my meetings. wind-blown
by life and struggles and demands. and ALWAYS,
before i head home, i've been touched. heard something
i needed. convicted by some sin or error in my day or week.
changed. somehow. renewed. filled. quieted.

when you feel as i do, grab your jacket. walk yourself,
forcefully, if need be...to your car. and wait and watch
for the surprises that await you. the most difficult
days bring the best healing. a new friend. an answer
to one of your prayers. just try it. you'll see!

just as the celebrate group meetings were ending,
my phone rang and it was colson. "colson?!
hi, darling. what's up?"

"well...i'm in the hospital.
went home with a guy from mcdonald's,
and we were watching t.v. when the front door
was crashed backward, and three guys walked
in, all pointing guns at me."

"oh, colson, how awful!! do you have any enemies?"
"no, mom, none! one guy came over and pointed the
gun at my forehead, pressing the cold metal into my skin."

"i reached up and pushed the gun and this guy away from me.
with two other guns pointed at me during all of it. the guy i
pushed, took his gun and gashed a big hole in my head above
my temple, and it knocked me out. when i came to, blood was
squirting from my head everywhere."

colson said they were looking for pills or drugs, neither of
which his buddy or he had. once again, they forced colson
to his knees. placed the gun above his temple, and he said,

"mom, i prayed. i confessed all my sins to Jesus and told
Him i was ready to come Home." this time, i knew it was real.
suddenly police sirens could be heard, and they ran, and the
ambulance took colson to the emergency room, gluing and
sewing up and taking care of him. police, detectives, everyone
was there, colson said. "mom, i don't think i want to live in maryland
anymore. i'm so far away from from all of you."

taylor called.
"tell him we are a family, and we'll
do whatever we have to do to see him through this, mom."

brock said, "colson could stay here(dallas). there is a mcdonald's
a half mile from my place, and lots of restaurants. and he can get a one-
bedroom for what he is paying now."

so, we've encircled colson with all our love.
a family that sticks together and works things out
among us. five andersons and God.

a month-plus ago, i wasn't to be alive in the head-on collision.
but Jesus tucked me in the only little pocket of the car where
anyone had a chance of living. and now colson. our lives have
been spared from dramatic events. NOTHING touches God's children
unless He allows it. glorious, glorious, glorious God! amen.

but we must be ready. none knows the time or hour
God decides to take us home. no one.

i continue to love every
single comment you send me. every one!!!