i dropped a dress off at the cleaners.
veronica came running.
between the counters. arms flung
wide; ready to embrace me. i
wrapped her in all the love of my
heart, and kissed her cheeks as she
did mine.

"hi, veronica. I love you!"
"oh, ann," in broken English, "I love YOU!"

as I was leaving,
she clasped her hands together.
eyes shining and happy.
"oh, ann, you make my day!"

I can't open the door. i'm transfixed
by such glee.. such joy. such love. oh......
Jesus, show me how to love
veronica to You. please Jesus.
do i take her one of my simple,
little books? she has no idea i'm
a writer. just show me, Lord.
write Your insructions across my
heart.

oh, if you could just meet dotti,
my pastor's wife. she's a dream.
a graduate of julliard. mother of
three grown sons. and a warrior
of all warrriors. leads a prayer and
healing ministry. human and fun
and loving...and sassy and beautiful
and completely focused on Jesus.

last night, she started her prayer
class. this is my third year to attend.
i came home, changed by the first
lecture. hungry for every morsel
she hands us to digest. starving for
a fresh touch from God. to run the
road closest to God's heart.

prayer is talking to and listening
from God. the Divine and human
connecting. at a specific time and
place every day. listen to this: she
is a night person, and she meets
Jesus every morning at 5:30 a.m..
i so want to commit to that hour. i
long for that discipline i had back in
my peak running days. marathon
training. being faithful to Jesus is
a marathon. the ultimate Race.

as a young, pastor's wife,
she committed to one hour of prayer a day.
real prayer costs us
something, and satan will do
everything to stop us.
dotti's commitment was not just an hour a
day...but one hour every day FOR
THE REST OF HER LIFE. a vow.

"call unto Me, and I will show you
great and mighty things you know not. call unto
Me."

i'm calling, Jesus.
i want to hear You. i need more
power in my life.
coming, Lord. coming.

taylor and i head for the gym.
it draws us like magnets. and
i think i can get him some free
passes. gabe, the manager, is
cool. something warm and humble
about him. no airs.

the gym is swarming with brawn
and sweat and noise. some real
athletes; others working at it. the
guy running next to me is moaning
and making weird noises. the guys
around me stare at him. catch my
eyes...and we share private smiles.
I want to tell him i've run 15 miles,
without a sound...but I choose grace.
five miles and an hour of
continual motion. that's as far as
I took it tonight.

taylor is always in the weights section,
and has chiseled upper
arms as all my sons have. I realize
i'm not going to make it to Bible Study Fellowship even
though my Bible and notes are in the car.
it's going to alter my week.
I learn so much in Bible study.

people have been commenting on
my blogs. speaking of the seemingly
unconditional love I have for my
children, but how tough I am on myself..
starting on character defects in my 12-step study,
I hope to learn what i'm missing. please be
praying for me.

eight days before brandt returns
from deployment. please pray
colson's boss will let him come
home, too. a complete family to
celebrate our love...and all we've
been through together.

thanks to those who point out short-comings...
and those who reassure me i'm doing this blog
just fine. i've learned there is at
least a thread of truth in every
criticism i've ever been handed.
how I long to learn and grow and
be all you and Jesus need me to be.

God promises He is going before us
and guide us in everything we will
face this week. march forward,
fellow warriors. let's see where
Jesus takes us this week. i'm
counting on changing the world.
one person at a time....and I love
you all so much!! Isaiah 51

i was invited to a private showing of a movie in
modesto, an hour away. taylor was showered and
ready, with not so much as a murmur of complaint.
it was at a small church, where my dear friends,
aubrey and monica mcgann pastor.

taylor is looking for a job.
with fresh degree in film under his arm.
we had decided we'd go and do whatever,
and see if God had a surprise waiting for us.
somewhere. it is amazing and incredible how
God can draw people together for God-ordained
purposes in the most unexpeced meetings and
encounters. it was a precious time. and i was
so proud having my son. rarely am i in public
with one of my children, able to share the joy of
their spirited, bright, clear-eyed goodness.

please pray.
for God's perfectly-shaped, next assignment
for taylor. and the perfect wife. one who will
love Jesus and taylor through thick and thin.

ohhhh.
tomorrow night is bsf.
but let me share some Scripture that lays out
our dilemma as Christians.

romans 7:14
we know law is spiritual, but i am unspiritual...
sold as a slave to sin. vs.15..i do not understand what i do
for what i want to do i do not do but
what i hate i do. vs. 16..and if i do what i do not want to do,
i agree the law is good. vs. 17..it is no longer i myself who do
it, but it is sin living in me. i have the desire to do what is good,
but i cannot carry it out.

so i cry out.
may Jesus lead us out of ourselves.
of our bent to sin. and may we worship...worship...
clinging to the heart of God. sin can have
no hold over us....for that was all settled and taken
care of on the Cross.

don't be too hard on yourselves today.
but still believe victory can be ours.
and we can overcome. yes! we can.
ALWAYS, in Christ's power, overcome.
by the BLood of the Lamb. and the stripes
of Jesus by which we are healed.

we will NOT be shamed.
defeated. hopeless. we are victors
in the Race.

who out there fears God?
actually listens to the voice of His servant?
for anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going,
anyone groping in the dark,
here's what: TRUST IN GOD.
LEAN on your God." isaiah 50 the Message

it was one of my regular, sort of struggling
days when i called my friend to see how she was.
she and her husband are opening a health club.
and it is very close...just a walk, really...to my gym.

well, she was working 18-hr. days, trying to get
the place ready to open. going over right then to
put another coat of something on the cement floors.

i grabbed my running shoes and work-out clothes.
jumped in the car. hopped onto 5S, and headed to meet
her. she was just finishing the job. backing out the
front door as she rolled the last corner of the room.

"why don't we go to the gym and do one mile?"
i asked her. one mile sounds sort of pitiful, but i
figured we could do one. she had no work-out clothes,
but her running shoes on...and jeans. for one mile,that
would work, and i love her because she's game for
anything.

we got on machines, side-by-side,
and i started flying through this mile.
we talked and laughed and shared...
and i don't think i even got winded. it
was so fast. quick. easy. we hop off
at the mile mark, and decide to go get
some dinner. it's dark. cold. and while
we are at the restaurant, she asks what
i'm going to do?

"go home, i guess. read...and go
to bed. i'm tired. why? what are you
going to do at this late hour?"

"well, i think i'm going to go back to the
club and give the floors one more coat."'

"now? at this hour???" i ask.
"yes. it won't take me long."
"well, you are not going alone.
that is for sure. i'll go with you.
it's dangerous over there at this hour."

we hugged. i filled my tank with gas,
and followed her back onto the freeway.
she found a tall stool for me to sit on, and
put on some Christian music, and while she
rolled a gloss of some sort on the entire floor,
again...i wondered how many layers it was going
to take....
i peeked out the window to make sure no one
broke into my car, and we talked about Jesus.
and dreams. that dreams cannot only live, but
stretch and reach and grow....and eventually change
the world.

when we hugged and kissed and said, "good-night",
and got into our separate cars for home, my heart
was dancing. yes...
"let me be singing when the sun goes down..."
10,000 reasons

i want to be busy helping others watch their
dreams live. helping them get going. cheering
them on. running together, and tapping the
world with God's magnificent glory as we go.

a gray morning. rain.
but nothing can shut the sun's
warmth out when we have
Jesus.

"bless the Lord, oh, my soul...
oh, my soul. bless His holy
Name....worship His holy Name.
worship His Holy Name."

taylor drove up from monterey.
"mom, tomorrow we are just
going to hang out. i'm going to
help find a better table for your
t.v....and we could go to a movie.
anything that sounds good to you."

we were making his bed on the
couch. truly, a wonderful son. he
had put his arms around me, and
was giving me a tight hug.

not one night in weeks have I
slept clear through until last
night. I forgot how incredibly
peaceful that is. one of my sweet
sons home. not alone. wrapped in
love.

"worship His holy Name.
worship His holy Name."
10, 000 reasons

12-step meeting.
almost didn't go, but my friend
got me there. special. special.
so much hurt and struggle and pain
and nine women who work all day,
with families, but still make it. we
are sisters. they've been reading my
books, and are full of love and vulnerability
and utterly dedicated to this journey we're on.

we are getting ready to dive into character defects.
i've got some major ones, so i forge ahead, praying
for God to give me the courage to be honest ....and
keep working my issues through. punishing my body
and spirit to remain strong and intact for the glorious
Redeemer who calls us to a hard, but magnificent Race.

taylor is home a few days.
he drives in. walks through the front door.
gives me the tightest hug, and everything
changes for both of us. we are together.
not alone. not trying to find our way in complete
solitude from one another.

"bless the Lord, oh, my soul...
oh, my soul. worship His holy Name...
sing like Heaven above. oh my soul.
worship His holy Name. worship His
holy Name." 10,000 reasons

then....
brandt returns from his 6 mos. deployment.
back to jasmine and colben and his brothers
and me. excited is hardly the word. how we've
missed him. someone is helping us so we can
all be together for a wk.end. to celebrate brandt...
and colson's 25th birthday..and taylor's graduation
from college. a little piece of Heaven along the way
to pump fresh hope into our veins, and call the love in
that has held us together as a family for so long.
through so much.

a comment came to me from one of you that stung
at first. hurt my feelings, until i really began to pray
and ask God to reveal her truth to me. she was speaking,
very lovingly, about the words we speak, and that they have
life. so when i write about my insecurities and the holes
i can fall in so easily, she suggested they might invoke
things that aren't healthy and good. that God covers us
with promises, and i should speak joy and promise and
blessing. it helped me. and she was right.

it is like, for me, a need to let you know the humanity
of my life. that it doesn't matter how many books we've
written or the millions that have read them, we are still
broken people. delivered by the clean, fresh, faithful
promises of God. picked up, again and again, because
we may lose patience with each other, but Jesus never
loses patience with us. pray for me. that i will speak
more Light into your lives. and into my own.

"sing like never before, oh, my God...
worship His holy Name. worship His holy
Name."

"Savior, like a shepherd lead us...
much we need Thy tender care.
in Thy pleasant pastures feed us.
for Thy use our souls prepare."

"blessed Jesus...blessed Jesus...
Thou hast bought us, Thine we are.
blessed Jesus...blessed Jesus...
Thou hast bought us, Thine we are."

old hymn sung at my wedding.
one i've loved all my life.
Jesus is my Shepherd,
and i long for Him to lead me
because i am His and He is mine.
what sweet fellowship. what comfort.