ann kiemel

there are a lot of losses
for every important gain.
roadblocks. mountains. rivers.
doors slammed in our faces.
corners of our souls caving in.

and then, God
gradually begins to lift us
into the light. away from the
weariness and fray. the depression
and doubts. and He begins to breathe
life into our dreams.

i have always been a dreamer.
always believed that nothing is
impossible with a giant God.
i've spoken it. written it. and
taught my children. written the
glory of what God can do if they
don't give up across the walls of
their hearts.

brock is my second oldest. ll months
younger than taylor. since junior high,
he has dreamed of playing bass in a band.
though academically gifted, college has had
no appeal. hey, he was willing to live in
his car just to tour with a band. he spent
hours and hours at the computer in our kitchen.
scrolling to all the bands. listening to every
genre of music. i'd take him to local con-
certs. he looked normal. everyone else would
be hanging around the doors with mohawks and
piercings. terrified me.

no piercings in this family until you are
eighteen yrs. old, and NO tatoos until you
are living on your own.

brock and i spent hours at the guitar store.
i'd sit on a speaker, and watch him pick chords
on all kinds of basses. i truly knew how beauti-
ful his heart was. how he wanted to minister to
kids. i was on his team!

he and taylor moved to san diego after taylor's
college. he auditioned for a big band and got se-
lected. toured 6 wks. each summer. that band dis-
mantled. he started a couple bands of his own, but
no one had his passion. and darkness settled in.
consuming any hope. abolishing the dream. he was
with me on a trip to alabama. he told me about his
despair. mother's day, 2008. we started walking.
brock, again, handing me his pain like a gift. soul
to soul.

then, last night.
the call came.
mom! remember the band i told
you about. played background for
a big, hollywood movie? i auditioned
last night, and am playing with them
at a big gig in hollywood in may!

sometimes, it is years.
i've been through the wilderness
myself. no sound from heaven. not
even a whisper. for years and years.
BUT, with a great, glorious God, and
time, dreams DO live. never, ever, ever
give up. the losses add up, and cres-
cendo into a magnificent, new tomorrow.