ann kiemel

roll, oceans, roll.
run rivers run.
purge and cleanse and redeem
us of all the untouched places within
ourselves.

it is only a dark, tiny fist.
locked against the vast, washed sky
of clear mornings and rolling sunsets.

yep!
a tiny fist that takes the glory
of life and the victories promised
right out of the core of all we are and
wish to be. that keeps us stuck and sick.
crooked in our bent. our yearning.

i'm not sure all of you know that almost
two years ago, i went to the gym and ran 15 miles.
that evening i was invited to a home for dinner before
flying out the next day for alabama and a special
event in my honor.

walking out of this home, i tripped, fell and shattered
my left femur and broke my hip. i knew about pain,
but NOT this kind of agony. bone pain wins.
leg swelled three times its normal,
skinny size. i genuinely thought doctors had
transplanted my leg from a corpse in the morgue.
but...

i thrived. that's my m.o...
nurses lined up and watched me fly down the
hall on my walker. i never had to go to a physical
therapy facility. however, suffering became my moan
and plea for relief.

over two weeks ago,
with a rod from my knee to my
hip bone...and screws and pins...
i decided i had to face that little, tiny fist of
blurred struggle planted in my soul. it is not
EVER the SIZE of corruption; just
the fact that it exists.

though i was taking mild pain meds, i knew
how God had once delivered me, and i wanted to see
if i could make it. pill free. checking into a 5-day
detox center, the pain pills were cleansed out of
my system, and i was sent home. i was left with
agonizing pain. insides raw. all endorphins
gone; with weeks to be rejuvenated.
Jesus and i and that tiny speck. doing business.
tough business.

i don't know how to explain this kind of pain.
nothing to soothe the fire that was subdued by
meds. i only know that my enemy is subtle.
slick and smooth in making us believe those
little rocks of trouble that grow in us are easily
wished away. that they are nothing.

so...my dear friends...
just check and evaluate. is there
a little, seemingly-inocuous fist planted
somewhere in you. take the leap.
remember courage isn't generated from
within us. courage is a gift from God.

roll, oceans, roll.
run, rivers, run.
until we are purified
and ready for the great things
You have for our tomorrow.

many of you are way ahead of me.
don't have this scratch of darkness.
pray for us who do. i genuinely
love you all, and pray you will forgive
me for my first blog in two months.
just trying to do my
Master's business.
i deeply love you all.

shine stars. shine on.
i already hear the music.