it's after midnight,
and i've been reading all
your poignant, touching
messages to me, and praying
for each of you.
today has been like the children's
book i read to my boys about a terrible,
awful, no-good day. i awakened happy, but...
some good friends keep recommending other
blogs i need to follow to improve mine. my
ship of creativity begins to sink. then...
i needed a new tire. going to les schwab,
i have a little paper with my bank statement
on it. and i say that i need A new tire.
"ma'm, you have three, bad tires."
"three?!! i can only buy one."
"how about two new ones in front.
and asap, get two new more soon."
$333.00 for two!
i'm subtracting this on my piece of
paper, ten days before a new month
and a new check. except for $20 i had
to send my son in college, that was all i
had. chewing my fingernail, i said, "o.k."
my cell phone wouldn't respond when i hit
a number. my computer said there was a
problem. somehow, a hand grabbed ahold
of my sweat pants, and started pulling me
into the waters of despair, and i was kicking
and screaming as i went under.
what do i do on an awful, terrible, all-around no
good day? i pull on my work-out clothes. tie my
shoes. grab the last $20. and head for the gym.
since i've not been able to afford a membership
yet, i go to barter my way in. the manager wanted
$15. i laid down $10. as always, i climb on the
machine. bow my head. ask for Jesus, my Runner,
to help me through this. and i run, non-stop, for
almost two hours until sweat is pouring down my
face and tickling my back. until my Runner and i
have worked everything out between us. Jesus
and i doing business.
i'll find another $10 to make up the $20 somehow.
mothers find ways where there are none. and one
of you sent me this powerful quote from elie wiesel:
"no heart is as whole as a broken heart, and i would
say no faith is as solid as a wounded faith."
well, we ALL qualify. we are all broken and all
wounded. "but the eyes of the Lord are on
those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in
His unfailing love." ps. 33:18.
p.s. a wonderful person surprised me with
a check that helped to cover the tires. before
i even knew that i really needed them.
dance on the journey. sing. find a way, somehow,
to celebrate even the worst of days.
Ann,
ReplyDeleteThank-you for being so real and honest about your struggles. I have been reading your books since I was a little girl. You are one of the reasons that I wanted to start running marathons. My family is also going through a hard time. My sister has stage 4 brain cancer and is 37. We are clinging to Gods Word and truth to keep going. She shared with me that God keeps bringing to mind 1 John 4:18.and perfect love casts out all fear. Hope this gives you comfort as well.
I am with you today Ann. I am plodding on this journey that seems to have no end. So many good Christians with so many words of encouragement but they seem so hollow in this experience of daily living. So many promises but the older I get the fainter they become in my memory, seeming to fade from view. Where is Jesus in all of this seeming disappointments of our daily existence?I have followed you as a young man and now I am getting old. Your little stories are etched in my heart and I will cling to them of a better day. Don't give up Ann, I am struggling right next to you, through the tears. I believe I see our true love, it won't be long now. I Love You in Christ, Ann.
ReplyDeleteYour fellow burden-bearer.
bob
Today...you told me to build bridges not walls. Then you said that perfection is not necessary to change the world- just a little desire- that between Jesus and you- anything can be done. And what really went straight to my heart was the fact that you talked about your struggle with the pain medication- it was like you were talking to me ( I am sure you did)...At the end you told me that God can make miracles - and I know that for sure because He made a lot miracles in my life, in my family life...
ReplyDeleteThank you for the words that came straight from your heart...it was like Jesus was talking to me tonight...
Amy, so sorry you had a rough time of it. But, so glad God is always faithful in supplying our needs.
ReplyDelete