ann kiemel

before i finish my thoughts on taylor, i wanted

to remind us all that we will ALWAYS fall short

of the "glory of God." Jesus says that no one,

not even one of us on this earth, is righteous.

that no one has done good.  not a man on earth

who does not sin.

 

this should humble the self-righteous, and encourage

those who feel they fall way short of God's goodness.

as parents or students or business employed or

even queens and kings are of any good except through

the love and compassion of God.  and yes, of course,

the Blood.  Christ's Blood that spilled from Him into

every crevice and wound and sin...and continues to

this very day. 

 

"covered by the Blood, we are covered

by the Blood..our sins are all covered by the Blood..

our iniquities so vast have been blotted out at last...

our sins are ALL covered by the Blood."  (old gospel hymn) 

 

taylor:

 

i see so much of taylor's birth mom in him. all the

best pieces.  when he was old-enough to understand,

and met his birth mom (she had been with him often

as he grew), i believe for the first time, taylor understood

himself.  it was a precious moment for me.  like robin, he

is quiet.  definitely not a show-off.  tentative.  and i've learned

that he is always way down the road from me in my thinking.

always!

 

taylor bites his nails.  have you noticed all the first-born people

around you who bite their nails?  i have.  it makes perfect

sense to me.  back to the pressure and expectation we tend

to place on our first-borns because we are ignorant and foolish

and proud.  at least that is true of will and me.

 

when he was a newborn, i would lay him on my bed,

and read the Bible out-loud to him.  somehow, i felt that if

i could just plant the seeds of God's vast love into taylor's

tiny, little being that he would ALWAYS feel the gentle love

of God.

 

what taylor is today is completely different than what he was

as a little boy.  or even as a teenager.  he's developed a voice.

where he is confident and free to talk and express and teach and

be funny.  when he was applying for a scholarship back east, he

had to write an essay.  he spent hours on this essay while i just

paced and prayed.  he was scientific and mathematical and never

believed at that time that he could write.  however, i had seen his

school work and i knew it was in him.  finally, after midnight, he

came in and asked me what i thought he had chosen to write

about.  i called it right, and he immediately handed me  his

masterpiece.  i still have it.

 

eventually, taylor walked away from full scholarships to several

schools.  moved to san diego (with brock at his side), and spent

several months trying to get a job.  it was not easy, but he finally

was hired by a publishing company, and was in charge of all

those at computers.  the bosses had him host the big guys from

the east when they came west, and taylor got the idea to send a

letter about himself and the company; a fun thing.  clever.  every

couple of months.  when he learned that he could do life, he applied and....

 

he was accepted into cal.state univ. monterey bay.  the school he

really wanted to go to.  in the middle of this journey, he changed his

major from marine biology to film.  with his specialty in editing.

he has a full-time job at a film company in monterey, and goes to

school full-time.  like my other three sons, he has moments of

doubt about himself, but inspite of will's and my faults, he grew

up to be a lion.  bold and strong.  it took  losses and some

pain for taylor to sort out the pieces of himself, but he and God

did it. 

 

i spent many, many, many hours holding and cuddling my sons.

i kissed them and celebrated them and to this day, lie flat on my

face by my bed, and cry out to God for them.  we rode bikes together

and played in made-up forts in the back yard and collected pets and i

baked more sweet things than i did good, pure nourishment.

 

don't be hard on yourselves as parents.

remember: no one is good.  no one is without sin.

not a single man or woman on this earth.  we do the best

we can as parents, and we always remember that unconditional

LOVE is all there is and all there was and all there will ever be. and

tied onto that is truth. pure and unsullied and holy.  amen.  amen.