ann kiemel

the doctor in charge of this rehab. center

told me i was hopeless.  that he was just going

to send me over for a year of in-house help.

hey!! wait a minute!!

a YEAR?!!!

are you kidding me?!

no way. huh-ughhhhhhh!

i was crying and more scared than

ever.  i dreamed of...longed for...my

children..  they were everything to me.

EVERYTHING!!

if i hadn't had jan with the boys, i could

not have made it.  wouldn't feel they were

safe.  but i could count on her.  oh, yeah,

she was my team leader.  she and God.

little did i know that NO one believed i had a

chance.  i was stamped "HOPELESS"!

every bad and horrible day i began to fight

with God.  His strong arm against my tiny,

skinny fist.  i would NOT quit!  would NOT

walk away.  would NOT disobey Him, but

where the h___ was HE??!

oh, i learned alot about God inside those

doors.  how He loves all of us and has no

preferences.  that He can take hopeless

and build a tower of promise.  i'm running

with Him.  He's my ROCK.  my Strong Tower.

they used  all kinds of jargon on me.  i'd call

jan, and she'd tell me the word was worth nothing.

to pay no attention.  i sat in a tiny room with a

phd. psychologist.  Christian.  and i swore and

yelled and chewed him out and He never blinked.

he was compassionate, and i had to have

someone to knock around because i was in

such agonized misery.

when i sat in front of the doctor,

hair pulled back. gaunt,  and utterly

empty, i quietly said, "i think i get it.

if i was an addict to performance and praise,

i am naturally a pill addict waiting to happen."

thirty days in hell for me to get it.  but i did.

no, Jesus and i did. He pushed and i crawled.

the doc stared at me.  eyes big. and whispered

because he felt i was so frail he might lose me.

"you are a miracle.  i NEVER believed..ever..that

you, of all people...would get it."  shaking his head.

the sun rises fresh every morning.

clean and new and i feel covered with

joy.  well, dark days do come, but that is

just what you call "life".