ann kiemel

"if you don't go all the way with Me,

through thick and thin, you don't deserve Me.
if your first concern is to look after yourself,

you'll never find yourself.
but if you forget about yourself
and look to Me, you'll find both yourself and Me."  
matthew 10

i believe that love lives.

that only God knows how to bring us
to the end of ourselves.

that the great miracles and

transformations of life rise out of ashes. 

some of my dearest friends,

herb and dona, saw me on a trip

back east. 1996. i no longer

had hope. i had miscarried

multiple babies. many infections.

dependent on pain pills. sleep

deprived. broken. they flew

the children and me to california

one day while will was at work.

all four of the boys were in

grade school. beautiful. sweet.

suddenly, my heart wasn't focused
on what will lacked, but on myself.

jan flew out and kept the children,

while i entered a 30-day rehab.  

i was terrified. i realized i had

big issues of my own. mainly,

my children needed an adult for

a mother, who could draw safe
boundaries, and who was physically

and emotionally stable. and

off  pain pills.  

while i was in withdrawal from

medication...and didn't sleep

for 12-straight days...and felt

everyone was talking russian

and hurting my feelings, God had

finally stopped will in his tracks.

his wife and children were gone,

and for the first time, he saw i

had some backbone, and wasn't

willing to keep living like we were.

he was willing to change things...

please...but begging me to bring the

children, and come home. however,

i was resolute. not visibly emotional. running to save my

life. if i was gone, what would the children do?
every breath was for them.

final wrap up tomorrow.