ann kiemel

thank you, so sincerely, for

all your love and prayers and

compassion for me. the way you

wrap your hearts around my

wounds....and draw me into

the circle.  if a

picture could be

drawn of God's love, it would

look like you.

people can say marriage is hard,

or a broken rib really hurts, but

unless you've walked the path,

it is, truly, a foreign concept. i

was married for 19yrs., and have

broken multiple ribs. neither easy.

will was black and white. his way

or the highway. i will always believe he wanted to be the best

husband and father, but he didn't

grow up with the tools instilled in him. 

will was the first-born,

and only son...and loved and

adored at his house. he walked

on glistening, colored stones and treated like a prince.

will was the first to find Jesus,

and miraculously, led his entire

family to the Lord. a beautiful

story, but he was academic about

everything, and felt powerful. me?

i was the most serious co-dependent ever.   

i looked professional and intelligent, but

i grew up with my brother never,

ever looking at me so i was positive

i was less than nothing which

translated into my marriage .

will ran the show,

and i buried my growing

rage over money issues and

no power. as the children were.born,

it became more

complicated. i was afraid of

really standing up for anything.

the Bible said we are to honor

and obey our husbands, and

nothing terrified me more than

disappointing God.

the LAW was will's sword and shield, 

but law without divine

love created judgement and criticism,

i thought, and will's passion

to take our little sons, and make

them tough and fearless ruled.

one of will's live and die by Bible

verses was "spare the rod and

spoil the child."  the children and i

were afraid of will, though i never

verbalized it. some things i can't

contemplate often.

marriage

has to be one of God's ways

of shaping us. forgiveness is

imperative. a humble spirit is

a major working tool. it aligns

us with the Cross, and it really

does take time and sacrifice to

succeed.

"if you don't go all the way

with Me, through thick and thin,

you don't deserve Me. if your

first concern is to look after yourself, 

you'll never find yourself. but if you forget about yourself

and look at Me, you'll find both

yourself and Me."  matthew 10:38-39

"it is best to start small. give a cool cup of water to 

someone who is

thirsty. the smallest act of giving

or receiving makes you a true apprentice.  

you won't lose out on a thing."  matthew 10:40-42

i was authentic and grown up

on the outside, but underdeveloped

at my core. emotionally fragile.

one night, in the heart of boston,

a couple years before i met will,

i was sexually assaulted. terrifying.

it was not until my honeymoon

that we realized something was wrong. 

flew into town, and will

immediately drove me to the

doctor's.

a sexually-transmitted disease?!!

so naive, i had never heard of it

before. nothing on earth could

have destroyed me in an instant

as that did. i was sullied.

abused. ruined. the doctor gave

me the first morphine shot of my

life. immediate healing of body

and soul, and the beginning of an

addiction. a two-week

honeymoon, and then my nail--beds...scalp..fingers...and heart

dried to a crisp like my soul.

they caught the man, but they couldn't give back what was taken.

in the end, however,

God has used EVERYTHING, as He

promises, and works it all for good.