Update on Ann

before the dusty road of the Cross

Ann will be leaving to go home in a few days so she can rest and continue to recover. She will be taking blood thinners to try to dissolve the multiple blood clots in both lungs. It is so incredibly painful, her doctor, also a recovering addict, said she needed to be on pain meds to get through this. The doctor commented that he didn't realize she was going through more than withdrawal until she kept complaining of the pain she was in and they took a cat scan. That is when they discovered the multiple blood clots in her lungs. After Ann has had time to recover, she will be back to blog. She would appreciate continued prayers as she says she has never been this ill. Thank you so much for all your prayers for Ann.

Message from Ann

the uggs taylor brought to rehab.
a piece of one of my children.

i am so sorry i haven't been able to blog.
i have been and am still so ill.
there are no words to thank you for all your prayers.
because of your prayers, i am truly making it.

i've had the most wonderful nurses and some
of the best doctors.

jan is steady and holding her own.

Ann is very ill and is not able to write new blogs right now.

She has asked for continued prayers as she undergoes treatment for multiple blood clots in her lungs, as well as heart and kidney concerns.  She would especially appreciate prayers that God would send her wonderful nurses, like Nataline, who are kind and understanding of what she is going through.  

Ann loves you and thanks you for all your love and prayers! 

“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven." (Mat 18:19 NKJV)

12:09 a.m.

to all you beautiful friends

and fellow warriors....

thank you for your posts. all

the prayers mean the world to

me.

i'm so ill i can barely write, but i

love you. and Jesus is the lover

and warrior of my life. freedom

and delivery from enslavement

come with a cost. i'm running

to win...!  never give up in the

middle of your battles. forever

with gratitude and love..ann


6:30 p.m.

keep running the race.
the race is sometimes
extremely rugged
and, at times, we think impossible.
so, be strong and join me as we
run for the goal of arriving at the celestial city
where there will be no suffering and pain.

i love you.  your prayers mean everything.
God is with me.

wednesday.

suffering.

detox is hell.

you have to really want it.

have to believe it's your

only option. long for freedom

and deliverance

my blood tests taken...

in any detox situation..

revealed some concerns of

the hospitalist. not the detox

doctor. after a cat scan, they

discovered i have multiple blood

clots in my lungs, and something

attached to my heart.

i had developed terrible pain behind my ribs.

now i have been moved to

heart floor. please understand

i'm too ill to say more.

i know you are praying.

a miracle i was here...and

found this. God's faithful care.

very hard to be in detox

and so ill in my body.

Jesus keeps leading me all

the way. and you. this

Race is His to lead us on.

 .

this is ann.

coming from the front lines

of drug rehab .

9:11p.m.

nothing since i came.

finally drew my blood.

said i am severely dehydrated.

could give me ibuprofen.

i refuse to panic.

to have terror shoot from my

eyes. to succumb to all the

what ifs.

every time i open my eyes,

there's a nurse peeking around

the corner. staring.  

"your hair..the braid around

your face...it's beautiful."

lovely words are like

medicine. i smile. but the doctor

hasn't been here yet. there is

utterly excruciating pain behind

my rib cage.  

and the nurses smile.

and the patients holler.

and the doctor arrived.

an i.v. in place. my bladder

packed with fluid. but....

my heart is quiet. i won't

be afraid.

fresh potted flowers.

and i expect Jesus to see

me through to the end.

no more enslavement.

only deliverance and freedom.

sweet, sweet journey.

tomorrow will be continued.

thank you for your prayers.

oh..beautiful comrades.

thanks!!

happy birthday to my

nephew, tre.

tomorrow,

we will meet again.

4:30 a.m.

my skin is crawling.

horribly. why did i do

this?!!!!  i want to unhook

the i.v....no...tear it out...and

run for my  life.

"Jesus!  save me.

make me tough." 

in 48 hours, i will be
walking through the doors
to begin rehab. my clothes and necessities and
Bible are packed. ready to load.

health care today is an entirely
different fork in the road. there
we stood:  my sponsor, adela. the
initial intake guy...and the very
top facilitator re: who will be
accepted into the rehabilitation
program, and financially, reliable
enough to enroll.

four of us.
and Jesus.
the pin-point center
of my soul was as quiet
and still as fog that has suddenly
rolled in, and the possibility of
my acceptance looked dismal.

as if i was jumping out of an
airplane 10,000 feet up. if Jesus
didn't catch me, i would splatter
dead center at the bottom of the
grand canyon.

or, God could swoop His massive
arms under me, and save me.

"16 years ago," i began to share, "i
promised Jesus
that if He would deliver me
from my addictions, there was
nothing i wouldn't do for Him
the rest of my life. addictions to
performance and praise were
at the top of my list; pain pills
followed. Jesus kept His end of
the bargain. so did i. until.....

"after almost a year, and four
major surgeries on my feet,
and wild, crazy pain, i have
once again found myself
starving for freedom. pleading
for the sweet taste of deliverance
again. there is almost nothing
worse than being enslaved.
nothing. "

suddenly....almost sounded..
almost ...as if a robe was blowing
in the wind, we all sensed someone
had entered the room. i saw
that the one who carried the
power among us, grabbed tissues,
and began blowing her nose. then,
we all had  tissue. we all began to
weep.

"ann, it has come to me that
if you could pay the half up front,
$3,850.00, and the rest at the
end of 30 days, we'd make you
the exception. and continue to
get medicare, and your supplement insurance to pay their part."

"Yes!!"

i have enough savings for the
first half. and God's arm is never
too short. it will take all i have,
but Jesus poured out all He had.

when Jesus enters a  room,
and no one can deny it,
"who am i that i should
choose my way? the LORD
shall choose for me.
tis better far i know...so let
HIM bid me go or stay."

i plan to blog to you
every day. i long for your
prayers. a journey i can only
make if Jesus runs this course...
and sustains me. for each of us
entrapped in addiction, it takes
a Power greater than ourselves
to be set free.

unhinge the gates.
make the path smooth.
running from glory to glory.
flow, River, flow.

thank you.
thank you so.....for every
post of encouragement.
for every dollar given.
please forgive me for not
being better at showing
gratitude. for now, please
just know.

colben

jan and i

have had a dark day.

sobbed. laughed. thought

of all we're both facing.
of all we are and aren't...

jan's numbers are up on her

cancer. the rehab. takes me

off everything. literally everything.

my insurance is an issue. trying

to resolve dollars and cents.

colson is home, and i'm thrilled..

but we're talking about a place

two hours away. for me, it's

all or nothing. i'm running

to Jesus. arms spread wide.

tears streaming down my

cheeks.

as a giant redwood,

piercing the sky. as mountain

peaks, jagged and splitting the millions of snowy,
shattering earth particles,
crushing the sun blasts through

the crevices.....so is the

begging, yearning of my soul.

"make a way, Jesus.

make a way..."

we all have work to do.  

and splitting of self introspection.....

and all of God we can grab ahold of...

sing, choirs.

walk and run

and carry your

weapons of loss and failure.

we will see you in the

morning. in the morning.

i love this old hymn...

"my faith looks up to Thee.

Thou Lamb of Calvary.
Savior divine.

Lord, hear me while I pray.

take all my guilt away..

oh! may i from this day be

wholly Thine." old hymn

oh...Jesus, yes.

completely Yours.

stacking the bricks

of worship and adoration.

uncompromised, untarnished.

i can hear the music now.

can you?

i ran by veronica's.

the korean dry cleaners.

in a warm, gap shirt.

arms flung around each other.

hugging...kissing.

as i leave, she stands out on the curb.  

blowing kisses...until

my car is out of sight.

" oh, isn't the love of Jesus

something wonderful...wonderful....

wonderful He is to me..."

colson is getting a transfer

to walmart's next week from

texas to here in lodi where i live.

has anyone discovered the

grand-all that makes raising children

a snap in the dark? hmmnm.

prayerfully,

i enter a rehab place this

week. i am so excited. putting last

year behind me. feet hurt, but i don't care anymore.  

back to freedom and deliverance: 

to strength and health. i long for

your prayers. not sure what my

insurance will cover, but i have some.

tomorrow, we raise our hearts to

the glorious King of Kings. the sun

rises, glistening the damp earth

of the holy day. may His grace

fill us all. wooing us into the 

Presence of God's beauty and

mercy.

i wonder who created gummy

bears? the most dangerously

alluring candy. haribo brand or

nothing. i see a bag on the

shelf in the grocery store, and

i tell you the truth, it teases my

appetite until i HAVE to buy

some. like 6 or 7 bags. an anxiety.

an urging.

"Jesus, I want to be that passionate

about you. oh, that i might  hunger

and thirst for you. that i might

search the aisles...the highways

and paths for what i love....more

of your presence."

hope lives.

my insurance covers

rehab. a miracle....but one

foot needs correction. please

pray.   

you know the story in the Bible?

the harlot who comes to where

Jesus is having. dinner....with the

rich and the haughty. sinners.

the door opens. in walks the un-intimidated harlot.

she goes straight to Jesus.

her tears washing His feet. her

long hair drying them. she poured

very expensive perfume on them.

a far more extravagant gesture

of love than the robes and food and  

cajoling. her gifts, all she had,

far more magnificent than all else.

Jesus counted her sins for

righteousness.

let's come to Jesus.

give Him our sins.

wash our tears at His feet.

let's yearn for more of Him.

may we long for Him as we

never have before. everything else

will fall into place.

i treasure each of your posts

so, so grateful for those who

contribute financially. it means

everything! i love you!

Colben

i am still in awe

that a new year has arrived.

except for a few days, the slate

is still untouched. unmarred.

clean and smooth and shining  

like marble. my messy, clumsy, 

pigeon-toed cracks of fear and

imperfection have not yet been

smeared in ways that cast

shadows over the glistening

wonder of Jesus.

it's the way He gathers us.

wraps us in His  joy.

promises to never belittle us.

we are His artwork. Jesus

thinks we're magnificent. even

the straw and rubble of life that

expose our fears and shortcomings.   

He says His glory

is most revealed in our weaknesses.

don't be afraid or downhearted

today. don't let shame wrap

itself around you. let's stare

fear in the face. and run to the

Waters.....of His love.

i'm scared with this detox

process. really fearful. but i

want it behind me. to be my

best.

for Him.

always, only, all

for His glory.

"make the road smooth and straight.

baptized into a changed life.

serve Him with absolute single-heartedness."

matthew 3 and 4

2013

gave me so many

opportunities to serve Jesus.

to speak His Name. sing little

songs. the opportunities to take

people's hands and clasp them to

the heart of God. and

twist my life into a shattered 

pile of brokenness i never

realized Jesus would want to 

hand me so my life for Him would

have more depth in this Race.

i'm in the process of getting off

pain pills...after 8mos. of foot

surgery. so alone. so scared.

i dressed for church. slipped

next to friends. and suddenly

found tears streaming down my

face that i couldn't control.

it's my first assignment of 2014.

no delay. get  the job done. no

stalling. so all alone. can't afford

a detox place. trust me. one needs

support and medical assistance.

not everyone has to do this. but

i do. i heard His still, small Voice.

oh, i love this:

"you are BLESSED when you are

at the end of your rope. with less of 

you, there is more of God and His 

rule."  mathew 3...the Message

let's rally. pray. call out..for each

other. this is a serious, glorious

business we have set our hearts and

minds to. i don't want to drag my

feet. THIS is the year of victory.

marching forward. the Lord's

business to accomplish.

"yes, Lord.

yes, Lord.

yes, Lord."

p.s. i miss my children.

Christmas was so fun. 

and thrilling. i pray yours

was just as special. now,

back with the calvary.

i love to pray.

"oh, Jesus, i need to talk something over with You...."

it feels so simple. God.and i.

all alone. the first thought i

have is just pure gratitude.

"i'm so grateful You've

got the day covered. Jesus,

so much can happen that i'm not

prepared for. Lord, keep us

bound  together. may nothing,

great or small, remove the beauty 

and tender shoots of boundless

love that help us laugh and 

giggle...and forgive without remorse.

prayer

reaches into the glorious

and magnificent heart of God. where

NO compromise or breakdowns

can breathe or know life.

every year,

i vow to do better in my prayer life,

and the older i get, the easier,

more clearly i understand how

important and powerful it is.

"Lord,

teach us to 

pray. to really pray.

amen."

 "glory, glory, hallelujah..

His truth is marching on..."

through the streets

and down the alleys.

from one side of the world

to the other...

Jesus, and His angels, and 

hopefully, all of us following

His magnificent, majestic lead

into the dark and evil and aimlessly-

wandering and broken souls all around us.  

carefully peeling away

their wrenching places of despair.

because of Jesus, and His Blood,

shed on the Cross, there is hope

for all. we need to be busy

giving back, in deep gratitude for

all that has been poured into us.

Light. lifting. others praying and

holding onto our shirts when the

roaring waves of despair have

tried to pull us down. swallow

our joy and victory.

"I will pour water on Him who is thirsty.

I will pour floods upon the dry ground. 

open your hearts

for the gifts I am bringing. all

you are longing for, come and

be found."  old hymn

2014.

a fresh beginning.

painted across the skies

the glories of His love.

you carried me

through last year. literally.

and today, i am laughing again.

believing. refusing to let the

enemy in. not even one of his

big, fat, ugly toes.

so...together..

we are marching.

"marching to Zion.

beautiful, beautiful Zion."

i love you...and as long as

i'm alive, you will hear my feet

running the Course beside you!