ohhhh,
a brand new day.
the sun is still warm and
the flowers still in bloom and
after yesterday, i'm grabbing hold of this
morning for all its worth, and have decided
it's going to be a good day, and no one and
nothing is going to be allowed to diminish me to
tears when i get my new galaxylll phone!

i never thought being a widow,
with four, fatherless children, was going to
come with benefits. i just gathered my children
around me at will's death, and reassured them
that my feet were on the ground, and we had been
warriors for a long time, and the Lord would, somehow,
someway, help us make it.

so many surprises come my way because people
carry genuine compassion for single parents and widows and
fatherless children...we could NEVER, EVER have survived
without others taking notice, and helping. mostly with prayer
(what is better than that?). and a gift of money here and there (probably
sacrificial)...and now, a NEW phone. you cannot believe my excitement
because, as i've told you, the phone i have must be at the bottom of the
poorest and worst. maybe one of five cell phones that NO one should
ever be stuck with.

thank you, Jesus,thank you.
thank you. thank you.
and i get on my face, by my bed, and pray for
all of you and the incredible ways God has used you
to literally help me survive.

remember today....
when we confess our sins to Jesus,
He forgives us. when we confess them to trusted
others, He begins to heal us.

you are all my friends and confidents.
blessings on you today. it is early, but Jesus has
already put a man right in my face this morning, and i
was able to remind him that God knew Him. every detail of
his life, and loved him. send me more, Lord. send me more.

when you walk into church and sit down, just
remember that EVERY single person down the
row with you...and across the entire sanctuary...is
broken.

when you drive to work, and stop at a
little place to first have breakfast, just remember that
every single person behind the counter and sitting around
tables is broken. yes, everyone who smiles and nods and
appears so happy to have a new day to live. a world that
is glowing. all of them are broken.

and at the work place, where others may seem
so put together or so confident and on top of things, never ever
forget that every single one of them has holes they have fallen
into and places where they have tripped and fallen on their faces.

broken marriages, or ones barely holding
together. imperfect children or cancer growing in some
tissue or organ of their bodies or minds or souls.

and when you watch t.v. or glance through a magazine
and see these seemingly-flawless and beautiful and rich and
glamorous actors and movie stars with diamonds on their fingers
and couture clothes and fancy, fancy cars and houses, just NEVER
forget that if it took beauty and wealth and fame to make someone
happy, then why are most of them in and out of treatment centers?
with several marriages under their belts, or having mutilple children
and often no commitment of marriage?

because everyone...everywhere...no matter what...
is broken. and no one is superior to another. we are
all miracles. individually created by an amazing God. every
single detail of each of us, whether we have pieces that are
easy to accept or not. and somehow, because of sin and the
dark forces that wrestle and push and try to destroy each beautiful,
amazing life, things happen to us. usually, almost always as we
are very young, that wound and scar us. and we can grow up to all
kinds of applause and greatness, but buried deep is the curse of sin
and shame and raw need to be whole and safe and knit with completeness.

so we all...
no matter how much we fight and try to crush the giants...
are broken. and without Jesus. we are hollow and empty and
filled with desperate desire to be unconditionally loved and at peace.

i cry as i write.
i so need more of the Savior,
and the people i see every day do.
and i so want them to KNOW about Jesus.
to hear. to not be alone. without Him.

do not despair about brokenness.
Jesus says His strength is made perfect
in weakness. that He raises beauty out of ashes.
we can rise. we can run. we can fly. somehow
God makes it so. embrace your pain. make sorrow your
friend. lay your humanity, vulnerably, before those around
you so they will not feel alone in their chasms of failure and need.
and we can all know peace. God's peace that quietly soaks through
all our need and brokenness.

did you notice the wide sky above this
morning while you drove your children to school?
a bird flying by, wings flapping in the air? the trees
laden with fruit and the flowers planted along the way?
did you feel the air on your skin, and remember that it
is the breath of God?

just reminding us,
as we rinse dishes and head out the door
to schools,or work,
or to run some errands, that we not forget to notice the
beauty God created all around us. to help our children
and grandchildren and friends to lift their eyes from
computers and cell phones and tablets and see the
amazing world Jesus created for us. and all those
waiting for someone...anyone...to please tell them
there is a Savior who loves them and knows them
personally.

i see the world looking down so often, a device
of some kind in their hands. or a phone at their ears.
sometimes, i have a phone at my ear, too. but RISE.
go to the window. peek out and take in a deep breath and
try to remember, as i do, that God created a magnificent world
for us...and gave us a mission to love and bring His Redemption
to all those around us.

good-bye to so much stress and rush and worry and
distraction and pain and fear. let's throw open our arms
and rise above the world and watch God lead us to higher
places. much, much clearer realms where we can somehow
forget about perfection and personal accomplishment... and
"shod our feet"...and see just where He leads us and how
glorious His habitat is around us.

"Jesus, please enlarge our territories!"

reading.
line by line by line.
all your beautiful birthday wishes
and comments. of your love and
prayers and cheering me on. standing
up and waving the flags and telling me,
from your hearts, that you love me and care
about me and are praying for me and celebrate
another year in my life.

i opened my computer with no sense in the world
that i would be so cheered and blessed.
about the only real accomplishment of my day was
my extended time with God this morning. from
there, things just seemed to sort of fly here and there.

one of my great friends is paying the extra for me to
get a GOOD, new phone instead of this one next to me
on the table. with the back gone, and the battery falling out,
and then, the keys sticking, and i have to take everything apart
and blow on it and put it back together again. a phone where i
can read my emails from home...and my facebook...even though
there is no internet in that spot where i live.

my two-year contract is finally finished, and i dashed into at&t to
get the galaxy lll, the phone my children had researched, and said
was better for me than the iphone or any other. and rob and his
family waiting...waiting... waiting for me to receive their incredible gift.

suddenly, my phone rang (while i was waiting in line, flushed with excitement),
and a friend was upset with me. i had them erase my name
from the wait list, and ran to a loaned car, and sat and wept.

without knowing about all your beautiful comments still locked
in my computer. and forgetting that the devil is out to set us against
each other. to make us think it is about us when it is really about
principalities and powers fighting all around us. trying to tear us
apart from each other. friend from friend. husband from wife and
vice versa. family from in-laws. church against church.

so...if i can pick up my new phone before celebrate recovery
tonight, or will wait until tomorrow...i know everything is going to
be okay. and God knew just HOW MUCH i would need all your
kindness and love. He planned my birthday to not only surprise
and BLESS me by all of you, but to teach me a lesson about good
and evil, and how important it is that we all remember. and forgive
each other. and build bridges to each other. and know that when a
slap comes unexpected, it is really not about our friend or mate or
family, but darkness trying to shut out the SON. so....

please...please know HOW much i love you all. and every word
you type to me...every thought...moves me in ways i can't even
describe. i am weakness and imperfection, stumbling along life's
path, and i don't know how i would make it if Jesus didn't send you
to run up beside me, and lift my arms. and whisper in my ear. and
still keep praying for my car. we are fighting the war together, and
i am with you, too. with Jesus, until the end of the world......

have you seen the movie, "machine gun preacher"?
the book, "a true story of one man's battle to save children
in the sudan", is available on amazon.

"another man's war: the true story of...." sam childers, author
it would be a very inspiring read, i think.

colson flew to dallas two days ago to be with
brock, my second oldest. we ALL feel so great about
this. he is already being considered for management at
a mcdonald's a half-mile down the road from where brock
lives. he is safe. thank you, so much, for your faithful prayers
for me and my children.

glorify the SON!
glorify the beautiful One.
Jesus Christ, our Savior and Mighty One.

let me tell you what i did yesterday with
my three hours with colben. the baby-doll
of my life.

brandt is deployed, but when i walked into
their little house, he was skyped on the computer
setting right where i could see him. a huge surprise.
such a blessing. and we tried to visit, but colben had
just awakened from his nap and ran into my arms with
two of his little fingers in his mouth. and when this baby
shows up, i just forget everyone and everything. i'm so
absorbed and charmed by this precious baby boy that
everything sort of becomes a blur. brandt and i spoke of
how much we love each other, and he checked out. i
somehow, inspite of all my flaws and failures, have the
four, most-loving sons.

well, jasmine has her first cousin living with her (i LOVE
this 17yr. old like i love jasmine), and i gave them a little
money to go have lunch somewhere, and a raley's grocery
store gift card that this amazing friend of mine sent. they
are going on a camping trip this week end with their church,
and i told them to buy whatever they needed at the store.
i felt like a millionaire being able to give them that gift card.
i carry that gift card around as if it is solid, pure, 24carat gold.

they headed out the door, colben and i waved good-bye.
and then, we began to play together. dragging toys out of
the toy box. opening his dresser drawers, and letting him
pull out his clothes. then, we put everything away, and i
started looking for his shoes. gone! i called jasmine, and
she laughed. the shoes were in her car, with her. so...i put
little shorts on him, went out the door with him on my hip,
and told him we were going to get ice cream. out of the house
and into the sunshine where people were watering their lawns
and motorcycles and buses were passing and dogs barking
behind fences. rite-aid was three blocks away, with only
gravel on the side of the road to walk on. i in my flats, and
an atm card in my pocket.

we waved at people and sang all his favorite little songs that
are ours and when i said, "oh, grandma loves you!" he leaned
over and kissed me on my lips. i didn't put him in his fancy
stroller because i couldn't talk to him and sing with him. so
i walked on little stones in the worst shoes imaginable, and
set him on my hip and headed, with focus, to treat him to ice
cream.

we got a bubble-gum cone...the worst colors possible...that
ran down his chin and onto his tummy (i had taken his shirt off)
and all over his hands. pink and blue everywhere, even in his
hair. we sat on a patch of grass in front of the store and with
every lick, he'd say "yummmmm". over and over. and now and
then he would hand it to me, to have a lick. people and cars
passed and there we sat, and i didn't care what anyone thought.
not one single bit. we went back into rite-aid's restroom so i
could wash him off, and headed home on the arduous walk in
the blistering sun. complete and joyful and filled.

glorifying Jesus! that is what i did all the time i was there,
and on the long drive home. glorifying the awesome and amazing
God who made me and gave will and me these four, treasured
sons, and now, colben. a baby doesn't care how old you are,
or if your make-up is right or if you are over-weight with a crooked
nose and pursed lips. all they see is the love.

that is how we are to love each other. NEVER to judge anyone,
but only see their hearts. and unconditionally, pour whatever we
have into them so they will feel whole and free and complete no
matter what imperfections and pain they have. this is how God loves
us. ALL of us. i GLORIFY Him, and ask Him, over and over,
to forgive me for every second i forget and see a flaw in someone
rather than just loving them exactly as they are.

yesterday my friend loaned me her car.
yes, how amazing it is to have incredible, beautiful
people in our lives. i have some of the very
finest and best on earth. you all are some of
them. i've made it purely by the loving investments
others have poured along the sidewalk of my life.

i know you think i am never going to get a car.
but i am saving everything i can...everything...so
i can buy the very one God is saving for me. i KNOW
He has one. i absolutely know. through all my tears,
i have come to complete peace about this.

anyway,
i drove to marysville
where brandt and jasmine and my only,
doll-baby grandson live. i literally never knew
HOW MUCH i could love a baby the way i do
colben. born on thanksgivng day almost two
years ago. there is some shape of miracle that
he should pop his beautiful, curly, little head into
the world on such a special day. the children were
all home for turkey, and we got to watch colben's
birth instead. imagine!!! God gathered everyone,
and surprised us with a gift that made turkey and
mashed potatoes and gravy seem like chicken nuggets.

when i am with colben, all the hard things in my life
completely disappear. i laugh and cry and giggle and
kiss him and tickle him and crawl around the house on
my hands and knees until he can't stop giggling. he is
beautiful and precious and untouched by ugly things. oh,
life will come along and bruise him and hurt him, but not
today. thank Jesus, not yet.

and he and i have a special relationship. special.
we have our own language. we are completely content
in each other's arms. safe and joyful and at peace as
if flowers grew in gravel and thunder was dressed up in
choirs and dust was like perfume and uncontaminated.
he chatters incessantly and tries to say every word i say.
his head is full of fly-away curls going in every direction,
and he is sweet. so sweet. he has the look of mischief
in his eyes exactly like brandt did as a baby, and the
caramel-cream color of jasmine's skin. he's perfect and such a
gift and i am crying as i write this because i am so
grateful for him. for my beautiful daughter-in-law who
so selflessly shares him. for God's massive love that
created colben and knew it would be one of His finest gifts
in my life.

continued tomorrow.....