i love this old hymn...

"my faith looks up to Thee.

Thou Lamb of Calvary.
Savior divine.

Lord, hear me while I pray.

take all my guilt away..

oh! may i from this day be

wholly Thine." old hymn

oh...Jesus, yes.

completely Yours.

stacking the bricks

of worship and adoration.

uncompromised, untarnished.

i can hear the music now.

can you?

i ran by veronica's.

the korean dry cleaners.

in a warm, gap shirt.

arms flung around each other.

hugging...kissing.

as i leave, she stands out on the curb.  

blowing kisses...until

my car is out of sight.

" oh, isn't the love of Jesus

something wonderful...wonderful....

wonderful He is to me..."

colson is getting a transfer

to walmart's next week from

texas to here in lodi where i live.

has anyone discovered the

grand-all that makes raising children

a snap in the dark? hmmnm.

prayerfully,

i enter a rehab place this

week. i am so excited. putting last

year behind me. feet hurt, but i don't care anymore.  

back to freedom and deliverance: 

to strength and health. i long for

your prayers. not sure what my

insurance will cover, but i have some.

tomorrow, we raise our hearts to

the glorious King of Kings. the sun

rises, glistening the damp earth

of the holy day. may His grace

fill us all. wooing us into the 

Presence of God's beauty and

mercy.

i wonder who created gummy

bears? the most dangerously

alluring candy. haribo brand or

nothing. i see a bag on the

shelf in the grocery store, and

i tell you the truth, it teases my

appetite until i HAVE to buy

some. like 6 or 7 bags. an anxiety.

an urging.

"Jesus, I want to be that passionate

about you. oh, that i might  hunger

and thirst for you. that i might

search the aisles...the highways

and paths for what i love....more

of your presence."

hope lives.

my insurance covers

rehab. a miracle....but one

foot needs correction. please

pray.   

you know the story in the Bible?

the harlot who comes to where

Jesus is having. dinner....with the

rich and the haughty. sinners.

the door opens. in walks the un-intimidated harlot.

she goes straight to Jesus.

her tears washing His feet. her

long hair drying them. she poured

very expensive perfume on them.

a far more extravagant gesture

of love than the robes and food and  

cajoling. her gifts, all she had,

far more magnificent than all else.

Jesus counted her sins for

righteousness.

let's come to Jesus.

give Him our sins.

wash our tears at His feet.

let's yearn for more of Him.

may we long for Him as we

never have before. everything else

will fall into place.

i treasure each of your posts

so, so grateful for those who

contribute financially. it means

everything! i love you!

Colben

i am still in awe

that a new year has arrived.

except for a few days, the slate

is still untouched. unmarred.

clean and smooth and shining  

like marble. my messy, clumsy, 

pigeon-toed cracks of fear and

imperfection have not yet been

smeared in ways that cast

shadows over the glistening

wonder of Jesus.

it's the way He gathers us.

wraps us in His  joy.

promises to never belittle us.

we are His artwork. Jesus

thinks we're magnificent. even

the straw and rubble of life that

expose our fears and shortcomings.   

He says His glory

is most revealed in our weaknesses.

don't be afraid or downhearted

today. don't let shame wrap

itself around you. let's stare

fear in the face. and run to the

Waters.....of His love.

i'm scared with this detox

process. really fearful. but i

want it behind me. to be my

best.

for Him.

always, only, all

for His glory.

"make the road smooth and straight.

baptized into a changed life.

serve Him with absolute single-heartedness."

matthew 3 and 4

2013

gave me so many

opportunities to serve Jesus.

to speak His Name. sing little

songs. the opportunities to take

people's hands and clasp them to

the heart of God. and

twist my life into a shattered 

pile of brokenness i never

realized Jesus would want to 

hand me so my life for Him would

have more depth in this Race.

i'm in the process of getting off

pain pills...after 8mos. of foot

surgery. so alone. so scared.

i dressed for church. slipped

next to friends. and suddenly

found tears streaming down my

face that i couldn't control.

it's my first assignment of 2014.

no delay. get  the job done. no

stalling. so all alone. can't afford

a detox place. trust me. one needs

support and medical assistance.

not everyone has to do this. but

i do. i heard His still, small Voice.

oh, i love this:

"you are BLESSED when you are

at the end of your rope. with less of 

you, there is more of God and His 

rule."  mathew 3...the Message

let's rally. pray. call out..for each

other. this is a serious, glorious

business we have set our hearts and

minds to. i don't want to drag my

feet. THIS is the year of victory.

marching forward. the Lord's

business to accomplish.

"yes, Lord.

yes, Lord.

yes, Lord."

p.s. i miss my children.

Christmas was so fun. 

and thrilling. i pray yours

was just as special. now,

back with the calvary.

i love to pray.

"oh, Jesus, i need to talk something over with You...."

it feels so simple. God.and i.

all alone. the first thought i

have is just pure gratitude.

"i'm so grateful You've

got the day covered. Jesus,

so much can happen that i'm not

prepared for. Lord, keep us

bound  together. may nothing,

great or small, remove the beauty 

and tender shoots of boundless

love that help us laugh and 

giggle...and forgive without remorse.

prayer

reaches into the glorious

and magnificent heart of God. where

NO compromise or breakdowns

can breathe or know life.

every year,

i vow to do better in my prayer life,

and the older i get, the easier,

more clearly i understand how

important and powerful it is.

"Lord,

teach us to 

pray. to really pray.

amen."

 "glory, glory, hallelujah..

His truth is marching on..."

through the streets

and down the alleys.

from one side of the world

to the other...

Jesus, and His angels, and 

hopefully, all of us following

His magnificent, majestic lead

into the dark and evil and aimlessly-

wandering and broken souls all around us.  

carefully peeling away

their wrenching places of despair.

because of Jesus, and His Blood,

shed on the Cross, there is hope

for all. we need to be busy

giving back, in deep gratitude for

all that has been poured into us.

Light. lifting. others praying and

holding onto our shirts when the

roaring waves of despair have

tried to pull us down. swallow

our joy and victory.

"I will pour water on Him who is thirsty.

I will pour floods upon the dry ground. 

open your hearts

for the gifts I am bringing. all

you are longing for, come and

be found."  old hymn

2014.

a fresh beginning.

painted across the skies

the glories of His love.

you carried me

through last year. literally.

and today, i am laughing again.

believing. refusing to let the

enemy in. not even one of his

big, fat, ugly toes.

so...together..

we are marching.

"marching to Zion.

beautiful, beautiful Zion."

i love you...and as long as

i'm alive, you will hear my feet

running the Course beside you!

just to keep it straight, 

my hair was borderline

disaster. and i always want

to look my best with my children.

but..it ended up

being brushed out, and into a braid

at the nape of my neck. with a

thin, white-stretched head band.

i didn't even know what i

had brought to wear. so i wore

plain and some design tights.

and long tops, layered. and

started drooling in nordstrom

over a pair of uggs. last ones.

in violet/purple. the newest

color for 2014. the ones with

glitter. this may sound really

ghastly to you, but with my long,

lean body, i think it works.

to the sales man, i asked if he

could just hold....

"no! sorry to interrupt you, dear.

it's a policy of nordstrom's....."

blah. blah. i couldn't make such

a decision. $200. the children.

then.....

up walked taylor and colson.

"mom! do you like those? do you?"

my eyes began to shine.

to become luminous.

what was taylor hinting at?

he has a big, new job. videographer

at post-graduate naval school,

but he has all his college loans

to pay off, and....

"sir, i'd like to buy these for

my mother.."

colson was grinning. he had

to work all night, but he's in heaven

with all of us together. and i was

now speechless. at that moment, 

every light in this store

went out. complete blackness. 

just two or three minutes. 

but it just added to the glory and surprise

and excitement of one of my children doing this for me. 

i've only taken these uggs off to sleep.

literally.

then, i received perfume. and

brock bought me two, darling, long

sweaters (to go with tights).

sacrificial for my sons.

it blew the sun across my face

and made my bones shake with

delight i can't even articulate.

we each had an orange julius.

we held hands walking through

the mall tiers. just so grateful

that Jesus would make a way

for us. and it was just us,

no one else can ever really know

what we've lived through. i took

6-7 pictures. again, pictures...

anything except Jesus and His

grace....just got lost. forgotten.

there were two girlfriends in

the party, but the kids were
more focused on our family because we

were so hungry to simply absorb

our love for each other. my eyes

are wet with warm emotion, 

remembering.

not perfection.

an aging mom with a sad, 

broken year under my belt.

and fine..such handsome...sons

with their own hurts and sorrows.

and over and over, so many

clerks behind counters that i

shared Jesus with. tears welling

up in eyes. their brokenness.

so obvious. confessionals

behind glass counters. happiness

has blossomed in my soul again.  

what i've lived through the

last twelve months has planted

a compassion so pure and deep

inside me, for others, that i have

a beautiful, new garden

blossoming. a fresh, sweet aroma.

your love and prayers have

done it. you carried me, prayed

and cried with me.. and utterly

embraced me. jan thanks you so,

too, for including her.

you assisted God in lifting her

off a sick bed to be with her husband and children

Christmas day.

"hallelujah! what a Savior!!"