Friday, February 13

i have been with my twin sister,
jan. my dearest friend in
the world. so much joy and love.
and then they told me.
then we all found out that
she has multiple myeloma.
cancer of the blood and bone marrow.

it knocked me over.
kicked me in the gut.
broke my bones.

from childhood, i have always
said i wanted to die first.
to live without jan is to be
tossed into a chasm of black
rocks and shimmering chills.

so...here i stand. heaven on
my head and hell on my back.
i am a mother of four incredible sons.
can still do 12-14 miles at the gym.
have treasured friends.
but jan. we came from the same
egg. shared the womb together.

where is God taking me?
as my heart pumps out blood,
it hurts. it aches. in the darkness
of my room, i hurt. already i have
been down the road of cancer with
my husband. you are never the same.

Jesus, keep me near The Cross.
there a precious fountain.
near to all a healing stream
flows from Calvary's fountain.

near The Cross.
near The Cross.
be my glory ever.
till my raptured soul
can find
peace beside The River.

where are you today?
some Heaven and some hell?
feel Jesus standing there.
take my hand. stumble
along with me.
no one. NO ONE. no one
understands like Jesus!

8 comments:

  1. Oh, Ann, I am so sorry! I don't know what to say, but my heart aches for you & for Jan. Oh Jesus, hold them close, please. Let them feel Your love like never before. Amen

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Ann: How I have loved you and your books since I started college back in 1977. Through your books, I have come to love Jan very much. In "Struggling For Wholeness", I came to believe she was one of the neatest, hippest women on earth. One who could be friends with anyone. GOD BLESS JAN AND THE REST OF THE KIEMEL FAMILY! Praying for a BIG MIRACLE!!! ALL MY LOVE TO Y'ALL

    ReplyDelete
  3. "I love the word impossible." Anne Trufant just shared with me that Jan was sick. My heart is with you, Jan, and your families. I've missed being connected to you through the years. I hope you'll have me back as an encourager, friend, and sister in Jesus. Jan has been a mentor to me unbeknownst to her. Her life, her therapy. I finally got my MFT license in CA, and even grandfathered in to Louisiana in order to have a license there in case I ever moved back. Thank you, Jan, for the beautiful example you set for me over 22 years ago. Sending my love to you both. Nancy Peevey

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dearest Ann,
    Please know that I am praying, along with all the others that read this. God is still in the healing business and I am going to be praying for dear Jan. How I love her, too. I will also lift you up in prayer as you walk this journey with your dearest best friend in this world.
    I am a cancer survivor and I walked this journey with my brother,too.
    God bless you, dearest Ann.
    Love to you and Jan,

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Ann, I will be praying for Jan and your family during this difficult time. I so enjoyed the book you two wrote together and it was in that book that Jan became real to me. You became real in the very early 70's when I bought your books over and over because I kept giving them away to friends who needed encouragement.

    I'm grateful you've begun this blog, for so many times I've wondered what your current life is like. Your posts encourage me just as your books always have and I love reading about your grown-up family. Again, I'll be praying for Jan and believing for miracles! Blessings, Debra

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ann, I can't imagine what pain you are going through right now! You've mentioned many times that Jan has felt less significant because she doesn't share the brightest limelight, but please tell her she's wrong. In God's eyes, and in many others, she is a 10 1/2! You've helped me get through my toughest times, and although I can't be there to wrap my arms around you and cry with you, I know Jesus can.

    Jesus, please take this entire family by the hand and lead them to a peaceful and restful place...a shelter in the time of this storm. Help them to know you are crying with them too. And even when we as humans don't know how to pray, you do! Please send them love and help from tangible people who can help in the spiritual, mental and practical ways, so they can focus on loving and supporting each other. And for everything left unsaid, we know you see down to the core of our hearts, and care about everything. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ann,A testimony to the Lord the Healer... 39 years ago last month- Jan. 13,1970 I was diagnosed with leukemia. blood disease in the bone marrow.I was a tiny three year old. Radiation was a new thing so they told my parents we could try it. the cure rate was only 4% then .now it's 96%.I got out of bed on my face praising the Lord for another year to live for Him. I praise Jesus for life.I read your book YES after I had just completed chemotherapy in fourth grade at a sleep over I told Jesus that i would say "yes" to Him just like Ann kiemel to whatever He had for me.
    I knew He had kept me alive for a reason.You encouraged me Ann when I felt so different when all my friends had beautiful hair and I wore a wig.When i had to go get spinal taps and my tummy was so big from prednisone.Every one else was so pretty.
    I saw Jesus in your life when I read your books.you impacted me as a young 9 year old wondering if I would be alive when I woke up in the morning.
    He is Jehova Rapha,Our Healer
    I am asking this same Healer to heal Jan. He can. His will be done.
    He holds you so close in His loving arms as a Shepherd holds His lambs.
    May He recieve all the glory through it all.
    I love you dear friend.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear Ann, and Jan,
    Jesus, meet us here and begin Your healing work in Jan. Father, You can do anything, and we pray for Jan and for Your power in her health and in her world today. Please give Ann strength, too, to stand with her sister and to share in this challenging time.
    In Jesus' Name, Amen.

    Ann, God brought me through brain surgery three years ago. He brought my former mother-in-law through cervical cancer and then through a brain aneurysm. I am praying with all my heart that He brings your beloved Jan through this time.

    Keep us posted. Where can we send cards, help, letters?

    ReplyDelete