Sunday, September 29

i made it.
like you.

Jesus is enough.
His arm is never too short.

"oh, my soul, bless God.
from head to toe, i'll bless
His Holy Name. He heals your
diseases. every one."

"God makes everything
come out right. He puts victims
back on their feet..."  ps.103

stop loving the world?
never!  this journey of mine
has opened many doors
for me to talk about Jesus. is
there anything more intimate
than curling into God's heart?
the ONLY One Who can save us.
the great Deliverer.

pain is a magnificent gift.
if we let it be.
if we swim in the
waters of testing ...and don't
doubt what God can do with

where is your pain?
what are your fears?
what disillusionment haunts

i have beautiful, amazing sons...
but trials in all their lives. maybe 
four foot surgeries is exactly
where i am to be. set apart.
removed. to pray for you.
for my sons. to face myself.

we are all running to win.
let's see what the next course
is. the Race yet to be conquered.

Saturday, September 28

pray on, dear friends.
pray. cry out.
i'm counting on you.

returned from hospital
yesterday.  friday. large
incision on hip where bone
was removed for foot.  my
foot cannot touch the ground..
no weight...for six weeks. my
bones had never fused, so for
seven months, i've walked with
bones separated. not once
in the hospital did they medicate
my pain enough for relief.

"as the deer pants for
streams of water, so my soul 
pants for you, my God."  ps.42

all those running this
glorious, oft shattering
Race of life You have assigned a choir, Lord...we sing:

"as the deer panteth
for the water, so my soul
longeth after Thee..
You, alone, are my heart's
desire, and i long to worship
"You, alone, are my
Strength; my Shield...
to You, alone, doth my
spirit yield...."

i can hear the drumbeat.
the marching band of God's
mercy for us all. stay the
course. and when you are
washing dishes...or driving
down the streets...or picking
up groceries, and you think
of me....

cry out...
i can't imagine
making it otherwise.
i love you.

Friday, September 27

thursday night.
two days since my surgery.
a beautiful, single mother
of six stopped by the
hospital. Jesus stops by just
when we can't make it any

He walks through the door.
sits in a chair. His Presence
through any humble servant
quiets the storm. i sobbed all
day. before wheeling me into
surgery at 5p.m., this doctor had
a sense of gaiety.

"remember, doctor, to align
my toes..."

"no! i'm doing one thing:
getting rid of your pain.."
none of my bones had fused
together. the fourth surgery in
less than a year, and he breaks
this news to me. i should
have pulled out the i.v.....and
run for my life.

please, please pray.
as terrified as i am, my eyes
are fixed on Jesus. i will not
be denied.

thank you for all your prayers.
oh, bless you. everyone who
prays. who posts notes. who
contributes to my ministry...
you feed my joy...and cause me
to dance in the darkness.

i'm hanging on to every
thread and button of Christ's
robe. mulling God's Word
around in my brain and spirit.
we WILL overcome.
oh, yes.. we will overcome.
yes, we will!

Monday, September 23

all the good wishes..the posts...
filled my heart with hope and
comfort and gratitude and joy.
i pass them on to jan...and we
will keep everyone posted as best
we can.  with such love....

Sunday, September 22

september 22.
it's my birthday!
it's my birthday!

but jan and i are not self-absorbed
on birthdays. we grew up twins, 
and who could give a party?  my
mother felt it was asking too
much for people to bring two
gifts. however.......

when we turned 16,
my mother threw her hands
in the air....and with radiant face...
announced: "we are having a

invitations went out. oh, the
smells that wafted through the
house.  nothing could wipe out the
sparkle in my mom's eyes. it was
a birthday royalle. 16 years.

the children and i have a
friend who is very close to us.

and debby is her name.  she
creates all kinds of glorious
events. for the family.  laughter
and tears when we get to see
each other. she orchestrated someone to come get me.
by plane. and because taylor is
in california, he was
chosen. my major foot surgery
is tomorrow.

and since i seem to fall on
my face with these feet, his presence has been essential.
i've eaten six bags of gummy
bears...and the rest is too embarrassing to mention.  but
fun?  it's been spectacular.
new pajamas and toasty, heavy
sweatsuit....and skyping colben.

we fly back to sacramento tonight.
staying with jan. taylor back to
monterey..tomorrow.  and i to
the hospital.

mountains rise.
trees sway.
roots are yanked out.
the world stops.
the surgeon walks in.
and another year dances before
me. fire and flood and surprise
miracles. four sons that make
courage burn in my soul.  and i
have the privilege of continuing
being a warrior at your side.

philipians 4:6

thank you for your prayers tomorrow

ann, debby
ann, taylor, debby

Saturday, September 21

nestled in seattle.
just days before surgery.
taylor came along. a good job
film work? computers?
just checking opportunities

i had one last consult with
a doctor for my feet. i was ready
for him to do the job that
afternoon. and it's my birthday

"I have seen, His ways,
but I will heal him.
I will guide him and restore
comfort to him...creating praise 
on his lips.

"I will heal them."
"then your light will rise in
the darkness, the Lord will guide
you always....
He will satisfy your needs in a 
sun-scorched land....
you will be like a well-watered
garden, like a spring whose
waters never fail...."
isaiah 58

Jesus prepares us for the
journey...straightens the lines...
puts love, spilled out, into
our brokenness. calls us to
wars of the soul. promising
faithful camaraderie.

i will need all He will give me
for the foot ordeal. i know you
will be with me.  finally, the
grace is moving in.

let's go to war...
with the Cross of Jesus...
going along to serve righteousness.

Thursday, September 19

"He is wooing
us from the jaws of a
spacious place free
from restriction;
to the comfort of your
table laden with choice food."

"i waited patiently for the
Lord...He turned to me and heard my cry....
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of mud and mire;

"He set my feet
on a Rock
and gave me a firm place to

"He put a NEW song
in my mouth
a hymn of praise to our God..."
psalm 40:1-3

hallelujah! hallelujah!
our rivers run. the sun rises
over the troubled corners
and fears of our lives....and all
we really have that is stable
and solid. is from Him.

our Savior. our Guide. the Rock
amidst the warrior battles.
i can't walk very well...
but taylor is here. and debby.
brock is back at work.

brandt is studying for his emt..
my doll-baby, colben, will
soon be three.

and colson's second job at
wal-mart is flying.

for me...
for you..
keep our hearts
with all dilligence.

fellow warriors,
let's just keep running
the Race. our hearts turned
toward the Savior. rugged
cold nights. but the joy
of living with the eternal
view. souls set free. delivered.
with promise...and hope.

Tuesday, September 17

you may wonder why
i so seemingly, without
regard, shared about brock
and his dui. he and i talked
about it. as a family, we've
wanted to open ourselves.
to show the world we aren't
perfect...and the Christian arena, full of brokenness.

but Jesus covers it all.
is mighty over all...and His
life is all about this. He lives
for the brock's of the world...and
the rest of us with our own issues.
warriors must overcome.  must
fall.  pay the dues. get back up.
never lose your vision. and
every time we fall...and get up....
the self-respect grabs hold.
the juices start stirring....and
fresh God grace energizing our

victories have so much to do with
failure. they are locked, hand in
hand with the other.

"wonderful the matchless
grace of Jesus. deeper than
the mighty....rolling sea...sufficient
for you and me."

racing to catch a plane to visit
debby.  please forgive me for
constant verbiage on my feet.
surgery is scheduled for this coming monday. 
more complicated
than before. a 4-inch incision
in my pelvis  ... to place on foot...
in hospital several days. i wept.
ran all errands in p.j.'s.  no matter
what anyone thought.  terrified of
the horrendous ordeal it is.  softly
begging the orthopedist to please
say a prayer.."i don't do that!"
he responded...."but let's shake on

jan is doing well.
Jesus becomes, in the
most astute of emotions,
truly the "Rose of Sharon"
and my Comforter, Defender,
and worthy to serve on His 
marching warriors.

wherever you are,
the One who promises all,
gives all.

don't live behind your
perfection, but your struggles.
everyone identifies with those.

Sunday, September 15

"God is for us."
all of us.
makes no difference where
we've been. where we are. what
we've done. good or bad.

Jesus will always be for us
when no one else is.

it is 2 a.m..
had just awakened 
to go to the bathroom
when my phone rang.
i'm a single mother of four
sons. in their 20's. a 
phone call can change
everything.  a lifebeat into
eternity .

it was brock.
my second born.
oh, i
this punk music lover.  no
one with a sweeter heart.
academically gifted. yes, he
lives with his girlfriend. regardless,
i treasure her.

"mom, i've just been given
a dui. i knew i shouldn't be
driving, but i wanted to get
home to kristi.  no accident.
i was just pulled over. please
call kristi.  i don't want to
spend the night here. maybe
30 days.  i want to take this
like a man, mom. i made a very
poor decision. pray for me, mom.

accomplished .

i never lecture my children
in these moments. the last thing
they need. going to bed, i was
trying to set things in action for
my feett surgery, but something
else very important has just 
taken momentary top importance.

God had me post that picture
of brock and kristi.....preparing
us to pray.  to be ready. if your
child is hurting, so am i.
please always know that.

i ask for your prayers for my
family. we will all be standing
with brock, trying to make
the right choices.  without
question, we watch each
other's backs. and
into the arms of God

"I, even I, am He who comforts
you..."   isaiah

"from the first day that you
set your heart to understand. and
to humble yourself before your
God, your words were heard."
book of daniel

Jesus knows.
He cares.  uh-huh.
that our entire hope is in Him,
our God.

the rivers run cold.
the nights can hollow
out a darkness that can make
you shiver and shake.

but our mighty Warrior
never leaves us or forsakes us.
will keep you posted.

the broken heart of a devoted
mother.  love,  ann

Saturday, September 14

the Bible speaks of "the beautiful feet of those who serve the Lord.."

well, my feet aren't physically
beautiful.  in fact, after three
surgeries, with another scheduled,
i am too shy and embarrassed 
just to get someone to paint my
nails before the surgery. 

Jesus is speaking to me.
He is feeding me courage and
self-respect. running so many
marathons. calling out to thousands of people,

"God loves you.  He wants to   
make a way for you. never give up..
He lives for you in all your pain."

and i would squeeze their hands,
as i'd pass them along the

i have run hundreds of thousands
of miles for the glory of Jesus.
there is so much power in just
speaking His name.  the world
longs for truth.  people want
deliverance.  freedom from sin.

soak your feet.  
ask God to send you where
someone is desperately waiting
for Jesus to come by.  Jesus
knows just where the hungriest
are. the most broken.

i was so disappointed in myself
yesterday.  please forgive such a
shallow blog.  talking about myself.

often, i am the thirstiest of all.
the most weary and sad.  but
not yet...not once in my life...have
i yet felt abandoned by God.

let's get our running shoes out.
put on warrior gear. be grateful
for a patient Savior. let's join
hearts and hands....and
keep running
"for the joy set before us...
for the joy, He endured the pain..
for the joy He suffered the shame..
and He'll do it all again...."

for the joy set 
before us.
the joy.
yes...the joy...
we are running
for the joy.

Friday, September 13

have you noticed how good it feels
to laugh out loud?  to feel whole and
complete around someone?

i went to the dentist today.
an office full of darling technicians.
young. vibrant.  my hair isn't
being washed until tomorrow.  i
pulled on white tights, and a long, 
white top...with silver sandals.  the
office is maybe only six miles
from where i live.  there was a
day i could have pulled on running
shoes, and headed out the door.
a piece of cake.  peanuts.  no
effort....and run my way there.

i desperately need to have my
eyes checked. an implanted
tooth put in.  BUT, i'm so brain-
deprived when  it comes to
directions that i crawl back through
the front door and stew over

to hide my embarrassment,
i brush my hair out.  pull it into
a ponytail....with a headband
that says "blessed" in gold letters,
and drive around, praying for
directions.  academic honors
and achievements everywhere,
but stark terror of getting lost
inspite of a gps and a smart

the nurses and assistants
in these offices love my style
and tiny figure, but laugh
hard.  giggling at how askewed
and unsure i am.

the unabashed humor that lures
me into their arms and lovely,
stretched-wide hearts brings
healing,  and threads foolishness
into gaiety and sparkling-clean

Jesus wants us to
mount seemingly-impossible
mountains of despair, and
help Him conquer our nasty, 
hard conquests. that His glory
will be made known.

"isn't the love of Jesus
something wonderful??!!"
let's go out today and show
the world how beautiful and
true His magnificent world
really is!!!

Thursday, September 12

drenched with early thursday
morning beginnings.  my heart
dancing with expectation; chewing
on the beautiful, strain of choirs
in the diistance.

oh, Lord...
oh, Lord...
glorious is Your Name.

i went with my friend to
return jewelry she had bought
at dillard's...the best store in town.
it had all been purchased for
an eighty-plus-year-old aunt.

our eyes caught some costume
jewelry we liked.  she is stunning
peruvian; i, caucasian..and the
lady behind the counter, hispanic..
my friend and i were giggling..and
picking our favorite bracelets and

"are you sisters?"  the clerk
asked.  absolutely no innuendo
in voice or smile.  as if no difference
in color of our skin or eyes.

"no..great friends God brought

i want my friendship with Jesus
to be like this.  bonded. trusting.
filled with goodness and kindness.
nothing that can tear us apart.

"the Lord is for me."  ps.118

even to complete strangers
today...that you are for them.
that's my goal; often 
by big, shining smiles and
glistening eyes.

 "oh, to be like Thee.
oh, to be like Thee.
blessed Redeemer...
pure as Thou art.
come in Thy brightness..
come in Thy fullness.
stamp Thine own image
deep on my heart."  chorus

let's run, warriors..
with soul and every Divine crumb
of love...we can find.  making
music that is light instead of
dark.  thst builds bridges instead
of walls.

Monday, September 9

the close
of another

the glorious reality
of a wide-spanned sky, 
september warmth
that peals forth the reminder that
from the first week of human 
creation, God set aside a sacred
day to celebrate, forever, that
He lives and reigns and changes

"isn't He wonderful? wonderful...
wonderful...isn't Jesus, our Lord,
wonderful?!  eyes have seen.
ears have heard. it's recorded
in God's Word...isn't Jesus, our
Lord, wonderful?!"  (old chorus)

i stick pictures of my children
in so you have visuals of them. and
can help me pray for them.  i
wish you could know brock.  you
would treasure him. has two,
full-time jobs...and can play a
mean bass.  i know he's into
punk music.  has a nose piercing,
wears pale eyeliner...and loves
tattoos, like his girlfriend.  i
really pray over these things,
but God keeps reminding me
of his beautiful heart.

and time.
that sometimes,
it takes a lot of years for
all of us to grow.  especially for
me to truly care about the things
that REALLY matter to
my children.  not where brock
is...but where God is taking him.

weeks are just flying by.
too fast.  i'm getting older
with every breath.  today, i
wept...and talked to Jesus
about the yearning i've always
had to be more like Him.

more like Him....
tomorrow...than i was today.
for people to feel so much more
significant after we've passed
each other in the grocery store.....
than before.
that demands that i think a lot
less about me, and much more
about others.  i think it sounds
much simpler than it really is.

brave warriors.
we are running against
the wind.  there are times
i just want to quit.  but....

give up? 
you and Jesus and i and love.
one moment at a time.
this is our goal. our song.  
the hard, cold music of
victory at any cost. the battle
cry for God's love in a very
broken world.  push on.
push on.

brock and kristi

Sunday, September 8

there are some dangerous,
harrowing moments along
the way.  you can open the
door and peek out.  pull the
curtain aside, and take a
quick glance. but the investigation
must be swift.

i've spoken of this before.
gummy bears and klondike bars
and licorice. then, cupcakes (jan has extra frosting rolled on), 
and rather large, baked pies,
cut into generous helpings, and

i have been addicted to neccos
and bagels topped with flavored
cream cheese.  because i'm a
pain-pill addict in recovery...or
someone else is into meth, we
are cautioned always to be aware.
on guard. careful.  i know the
weapons are subtle. sublime, and
the devil begins, at a very young
age, to seduce us.  to gently
pull us over the line.  he's slick.
quick.  addictions consume. slowly
at first...then, suddenly, we are
owned..possessed.  and it's a war.

"oh, thank God....He's so good!
His love never runs out.
ALL of you set free by God. tell
the He freed you..
in your desperate 
called out to God, He put your
feet on a wonderful road.."  psalm 107

tell the world.
God spoke,
and we were healed.

the latest...the last...catscan
assured my specialist that my
bones in left, back foot...never
fused. that is why i cannot
walk without pain medication.

oh, i fear the chiselling of bone
from my hip...and the painful
recovery...but nothing scares
me as much as coming off
the pain medication. nothing!

"You are higher than we
ever could imagine.....and closer
than our eyes could ever see....
You are magnificent...You alone are
holy."   10,000 reasons

it's ALL about the Blood...
every sweat drop.  every puke.
every second of crawling skin.
each long, dark night watching
for early dawn....

'how precious is the Flow..
that washes white as snow...
no other fount i know...
nothing but the Blood of Jesus."

if you can't seem to get it down.
if you fail over and over and over.
if you long for the sweet, liquid
taste of deliverance, but your
teeth carry bitter gall...
Jesus still loves you.
He knows a different Love.
He knows our hearts.
He gets it..
and He has power.
only trust HIM.

brock and kristi
my punk music kids

Monday, September 2

can a mother forget the infant
at her breast...walk away from
the baby she bore?

"but even if mothers forget,
i'lll never forget you...never."

"trust in God.
lean on your God."

"all who are serious about
right living...and committed to
seeking God...i teach you how
to talk...and personally
watch over you.."     

early morning.  daylight crawling
silently over the dip of the horizon.
labor day, 2013.   i'm trying to
take care of jan... very ill.  all her
family is out of town.  

i'm hobbling on one foot.
yesterday was brandt's
25th birthday.  brock had a
concert.  and got colson in.
both live in same city. i've met
so many people.  jan and i
have been evangelizing hospitals
and doctors.  please pray for
all taylor is doing.

i want to be like Jesus.
so many questions.
people with such different
points of view.  do you ever
wonder who has figured out
the perfect life plan
that would perfectly please God? 

the thought of caring for the
bruised and broken and destitute....
but good people without the Lord
do this. and i try to.  but that's it.  a
part of following the Lord. 

maybe never raising your voice,
and arguing and never using
your mouth to gossip and criticize. others.   

but..we're all broken.  

says that all who simply come
to Him can be saved.
many come just so they can feel better
for awhile.  

no!  i'm running to Jesus our LORD.
running. feet flying. i mess up
so much.  get discouraged.
Jesus, do you see me?

run warriors.
take all of Him.
embrace Him.
Let's find our freedom.
our deliverance.
His way.