Friday, February 6

i have a little, fold-out couch
in my bedroom. a big room
with a window seat, and pictures
blown-up of my children, on
the walls. often, when one of them comes
through town, en route somewhere,
they always want to sleep in my
room with me. comraderie. closeness.

colson came in one night two weeks ago.
he slept on my bed, and i on the couch.
it was late. i turned the lights out.

mom, is t.v. an option?
no! he loves going to sleep
with the sound of the television
droning in his ears. i have bad habits,
and this is one of his.

what should we do then?
well, we could talk in the dark.
or pray. or both.

mom, i really disappointed God
this last weekend.

did you?

yes. some of my friends
at a party were joking about
God, and i laughed with them.

oh, honey, that must feel terrible.
isn't it wonderful that we can
just silently tell God our sins
and know He forgives us instantly?!

within minutes, i could hear his breathing.
the sound of sleep. of peace.
beautiful Jesus. gracious Savior. honest son.

two nights ago, brandt came through.
he is a firefighter for the air force
and was en route back to base.
it was midnight, and he had called to
see if he could sleep over until 4 a.m.,
when he'd have to return to base.

yes! of course. i'd love it!

he comes through the door.
i love my sons. tall and strong
and loving and on my team.

i just got a tattoo, mom.
and with that, he pulled off his
tee-shirt to show me.
anderson, starting up under his left
arm down the side of his torso.

wow! that looks like it hurt!
yeah, it sucked.
it is nicely done, though, i said.

he likes the couch. i had it
ready for him. he was sore
(i gave him tylenol) and tired
with only 4 hours of sleep for him.
i crawled into my bed. the room dark.

mom, what did you think of
the super bowl game?

brandt, it was a great game,
but i still feel sad arizona lost.
kurt warner has an unbelievable
life story! and i'm always for the underdogs!

i helped colson get moved
into that apartment. i even got
my fold out couch from
my friend's house, and took it over
for him. you okay here by

i'm good.
it is cozy, and i feel safe, brandt.
i just want each of you to go
out there where your dreams
are. where the great lessons
of life will guide you. stay close
to Jesus, brandt. don't lose Him.

i won't, mom.

and he was gone. sleepland.

oh, i was tempted to
challenge colson to pick his
friends more carefully. and to
chide brandt that tattoos
are addictive, and can never
come off, especially after he told me his
friends had tattoos on their calves,
their hands, everywhere.

but i said nothing.
they trust me as their mother,
confide in me even with their worst
offenses. i gave them the best i had,
and at 18, they became young men.
now, life will guide them. Jesus will
walk with them. me? i've become the
listener, always reminding them of
my pride for their beautiful
imperfect lives. and pouring
over them all the unconditional love
that oozes in my veins for each of them.

i have been told that
many are reading my blog.
i am so new at this. so
excited to be back with so many
that have unconditionally loved
me, with all my imperfections,
through the years. i reach out
my hand to you. my heart.

and remember to love your children.
to focus on their thoughts.
to never give up.
the end story is all that really
matters. i will talk to you next


  1. Hi Ann,
    I'm a single never married woman about to turn fifty. I've been reading your books since I was in high school. Six years ago I adopted two boys from Denver Social Services. They are teenagers now, and every day is hard. I want them to be scholars and they hate school. I want them to be mighty men of God, and they don't even want to go to church. I'm so grateful for your post tonight. Thanks for the encouragement.

  2. Wow. My first read (referred by a friend) and I'm a fan already! Looking forward to reading more and being reminded that perspective so important and to hold on to Jesus! Blessings.

  3. Ann- you are gone and I found your blog too late- bummer- wish I would have looked you up sooner- I read all of your books in late high school and early college into married life with kids. I met you at a conference in Oregon and you said something to me that impacted me. Wish I knew about this blog to continue to stay in touch. We met way before blogs were even a thing. I love your perspective- as the mom of five between the ages of 15 and 28, I get this - the idea of navigating motherhood beyond the teen years- delicate balance of how to them... you are loved and missed- blessings to Jan if she is reading this- cornelia seigneur