I have looked at pictures from
texas on Christmas. wow! I looked
old. yes. some kind of stomach
bug hit me. I am too thin. promise
to work on this. to try and embrace
growing old.

my children treat me with such
love and honor and respect that I
let my hair down. forget make-up.
laugh. bask in the wonder of life
and Jesus. of battles fought, and
victories won. of holes that God
has pulled the five of us out of.

and now,
settling back into reality,
there is joy, but sadness.
as my cousin david says,
"life marches in with big, muddy
boots". the world shifts. I grab on,
harder, to the hem of God's sweet,
glorious love.

quiet.
can you hear Him?
"come all you who labor
and are heavy laden...and I will
give you rest....call on me, and I
will answer.
and show you great and
mighty things.."

we all so missed brandt (deployed),
and jasmine and colben. I know
many of you missed loved ones, too.
I thought of you. of the families
in Connecticut. cover us, Jesus,
cover us. bind our wounds. raise
our sights. yes, Lord. yes. yes.

holes.
everywhere we go,
there are big, giant holes waiting
for us to fall into. we are all
broken, and if the devil can pull
us down, he will.
holes that sometimes take Jesus
years to get us out of.

I have dropped into so many in my
life. my children are such hard
workers. so earnest. but these
holes are waiting for them; for their
innocence and earnestness are
just the things the enemy is
wanting to ravage and destroy.

every hero in the Bible was hunted
down. always battles to fight.

let us cry out for our children.
warn them. stay close to their
hearts. and never forget that He
Who is in us is far greater
than the enemy...and fighting
the battle with us.

I love you and believe for you
and yours today

Christmas eve.
the boys working but taylor and me.
headed to the mall.
just hanging out.
taylor waited while I ran into the bathroom
...and there, a tiny, hispanic woman
continuing to clean after every used
toilet.

I ran out.
"taylor, do u have cash?
I need a 20.
will be right back."

heading back into women's restroom,
I place the money in the
little lady's hand.
kissed her cheek...
and sang,
"God loves you and I love you
and that's the way it should be."

"thank you. Jesus loves you....and
so do I." with tears in her eyes,
she thanked me.

that beautiful old hymn...
"He lives..He lives. Christ Jesus
lives today. He walks with me
and talks with me along the
narrow way..He lives...salvation
to impart.."

bless you all!
thank you so for kind words and
gifts.I pray you can see my blue
eyes shining on you. feel my warm
hand in yours. know your kind
words to taylor meant so much to him.

we are in Sacramento another day
or two before we both head to where we live.

great to be with tom and jan

almost midnight.
taylor and I flew into Sacramento
last night from dallas. flushed
with joy from being with our little
family. snow and hail and watching
my sons look after each other and
me. the love beautiful.

my dear friend debby flew in to be with us.
we soaked each other up.
it was simple and peaceful...
and I lay in bed.
eyes closed each night.
pondering the picture God drew
of a single mom and four, fatherless
children...and how God has led us
all the way. then would fall asleep
with tear-covered face.

music tapping out the story. the
surprise of getting to be together.

"bless the Lord, oh my soul...
and all that is within me. bless
the Lord, and don't forget His
benefits. bless His holy Name.."

finally.
after all the hoopla
and packed malls and
office Christmas parties. after
all the noise and ruckus, the world
is quiet. every shop closed. all the lights
turned off. most cars parked and people
in bed. waiting....

for children rolling out of bed
and racing in to drag one and all
to the Christmas tree and all the surprises
awaiting them.

3 a.m. Christmas morning.
finally, we can see Jesus. and hear Him.
ALL fades, but HIM.

in Him, and Him, alone,
we put our trust. disease ravaging
those we love. addictions trying to eat
away our earnest reserve to be pure. death
and rebellion stirring the pot in many homes.
but....

in Him, and Him, alone.
He holds our hope. our healing. our attempts at
faithfulness, somehow, amidst the battles, we hold
on to Him with all our hearts and love and devotion.

oh, lead us to the Rock that is higher than we are.
every time. every time. because in Him, alone, He holds our hope.

taylor just received his college degree in film
at california state university in monterey bay, california.
and rivers run and the sky moves and fresh beginnings
live. may Jesus be glorified in all taylor has to offer the world.

at one month,
in a hotel room,
i laid him in the middle of a king-sized bed.
all warm and fed and tucked in. suddenly,
i heard a thump, and found him on the floor.
that new-born squall that sliced my bearings
apart and left me shaking.

suddenly,
i realized he was brilliant and advanced.
and as brock and colson and brandt came along,
i felt the same about them. smile. i love them with
my bone and marrow and beating heart, and tell them
every day that they are my morning sky and my afternoon
sun. and little colben stretches that love to a dimension
i never thought even existed.

this holy Christmas,
love your children and families
unconditionally. look for the best.
speak beautiful words. forgive the misses.
let God do the judging. let love .. REAL love..forgive and
redeem us in our brokenness and holes of sorrow and struggle.

breathe His Spirit,
and know i truly love you.

today is Christmas eve.
people madly rushing everywhere.
frazzled. hurried. overwhelmed.
everyone 'under the gun' but Jesus.

no effort. no anxiety. no stooped shoulders.
Jesus came, and the world hushed, and hope
was born. untarnished promises that inspite of all
our burdens and pain and loved ones' struggles,
Jesus is here to dress the skies with music.
to cleanse us from our brokenness and sin....
and to never, ever fail us. even when it looks
otherwise.

i am in dallas with brock and colson and taylor.
we so miss having brandt...and jasmine and colben
are with her family. BUT WE ARE TOGETHER!!!
happy. happy. happy. a gift from a friend of mine.
i know i'm partial, but my sons are so sweet to me.
and so caught by the joy of us being together. every
single minute counts. we are watching every penny.
trying to be so careful.

"i wonder as i wander out under the sky...
how mary birthed Jesus and came forth to die....."

so sorry about no blogs.
you probably wouldn't believe all the struggles
i've been through, and everything fell apart.
but i expect at least five new blogs every week. at least.
and your continual comments and love pour into my hair and
skull and soul and fingers and out my fingers and toes until i
dance. and sway. tears running down my face. so grateful
for love. so very grateful.