Tuesday, May 29

it was 1996.
on this week-end.
that my four sons and i,
sent by some of my dearest
friends, herb and dona, flew
to fresno, california. NO ONE
was home. the world had

the children were 7, 8, 11, 12.

they sent us here because there is a Christian
counselling center. link care.
our plane was met by jonathon olford,
and we were dropped off with a key in hand.
an apartment link care had.

i was absolutely terrified.
the shag carpet was dirty and ancient.
no car. 105 degrees. alone for the long
week-end. the children and i all slept
together in one bed the first night.

being addicted to pain pills after years
of miscarriages and abdominal infections and
16 major surgeries, i had NO idea where this was
going to take me. the thought of withdrawal
naturally setting in with four children and steam
rising from scorched asphalt, i literally gulped down
my constantly-rising fear, and foremost, to keep
calm for the children.

i have never liked this long, holiday ever since.
and will tell you more tomorrow. my journey
from hell to heaven and beyond. in some ways,
it seems like yesterday.


  1. Those steps into the unknown when our minds are screaming, "Get out!" always seem to be the ones where our faith flourishes the most. I look forward to reading tomorrow's post, friend.

  2. Who you are touched me as a young adult. Inspired me. And then a husband and 4 children later I lost track of you. Years later, don't know how, but I knew of some of the hardships you had gone/were going thru. I actually saw you in Costco and wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, present tense, wanted to reach out and hug you,but I was afraid to invade your privacy. I have been to hell and back myself. I so want to hear your journey. Seems I searched for you at just the right time.You are a gift and you have a gift. Thank you for offering it to us.