"if you'll hold on to me for dear
life, "says God, "I'll get you out of
I'll give you the best care
if you'll only get to know and
call Me and I'll answer, be at your
side in bad times; I'll rescue you,
then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of
salvation!" psalm 91
memorial day week-end.
the most incredible, difficult
holiday of my life.....and it
still startles me when it comes
around each year.
memorial weekend. 1996.
herb and dona, dear friends
of mine, saw my fragile figure
and shadowed sadness, and
knew something was terribly
will and i were having intense
struggles. i literally felt i could
physically die. no hope left.
and they boarded me and our
four young sons on a plane
that friday, the start of the holiday.
the five of us landed in fresno,
california, where there was a
Christian counselling center that specialized in missionaries and
Christian workers. herb and dona
knew people there.
we were dropped at the apartment
assigned to us. ancient. dirty,
shag carpet. old. we knew no one.
the whole world seemed to have
disappeared until after monday.
no car. dropped, it seemed, into
an almost-worst madness than
we had left. i was petrified, but
had to remain calm for the children.
and i didn't have any pain
medicine with me. back in
the days of my serious addiction.
the children and i all slept in
one bed every night spent there.
i never remembered
that i had spoken at fresno arena
with dale evans (roy rogers). or
keynoted a large, women's
conference at a major church there.
fresno was as removed to my
brain as the congo.
it was 107 degrees that wk. end.
a jungle of boiling pavement,
unknown faces, busy streets...
and my body beginning withdrawal.
many things happened.
i spent 30 days in a drug rehab
that changed my life. jan flew in
and took care of the children.
everything was for the boys. there
was NOTHING i wasn't willing to
endure for their safe well-being.
we are many years down the
road. i'm in recovery. will and i
eventually reunited...and 16 mos.
later..was diagnosed with cancer
and passed away. by God's grace,
i saw my children through adolescence, and beyond. a single
mom. a widow. passionate about
Jesus, and the world.....and consumed with love for my sons.
feet back on the ground.
healthier than ever.
indebted to a couple in
pennsylvania who put a lot
of money on the table to save us
for a year.
i still tremble as i write this.
excruciating pain and suffering
that God used to bring me to the
other side of complete brokenness.
and blessed me with new friends,
and the most-amazing sons ever.
i salute the veterans.
i now have a 24yr. old who
is one. but for me,
memorial day wk.end
will always represent the most ravaged,
terrifying days of my life. days
that led to my greatest victories
"surprise us with love
at daybreak; then we'll skip
and dance all day long.
and let the loveliness of our God
rest on us. confirming the
work that we do." psalm 90
oh, Jesus, we hold on to You
forever. alleluia. amen.