Tuesday, October 2

another brand new week.
sunshine and smiles and cheers
skipping by...and some fresh tears
and new problems possibly. back to
school and back to work and back to
all the victories and losses, and
ups and downs of living.

i have Bible study fellowship tonight.
i don't know about anyone else, but the two
pages of questions we are to answer nearly kill
me. they are tricky and difficult for me; not always
obvious, even after i've read all the Scriptures.

it takes a set of my will to answer the best i can,
and to spend enough time studying, and get my
body there. but i love the magnificence of God.
and the women i know and love there.

tuesday night is celebrate recovery as you all know
for me, and thursday night is my 12-step study. and
every single event is difficult to get to. to be on time
and prepared and out the door when staying home sounds
so much easier.

do you know HOW hard it once was for me to be in ANY
small group? i was terrified just at the thought. almost my
entire adult life, i have stood on stages and addressed large
audiences with the beautiful, miraculous stories of Jesus. of
me and my neighborhood. changing the world. most of the
audiences didn't know all my flaws and insecurities and failures
and imperfections. to be in a small group, it would be
inevitable, i knew, that others would begin to find out what
a broken person i really was. and what if they rejected me?
that was, hands down, my greatest fear because of the severe
rejection i experienced growing up in hawaii.

my childhood pain, i understand today, was a rare gift from God.
never did the success of my books and speaking mean anything
to me except i wanted everyone else to believe in dreams and
help bring Jesus to the world, too. i never felt superior, and i ALWAYS
knew that all my blessings weren't because i was gifted in some
extraordinary way. i just knew Jesus had to have put His hand
on me for some unknown reason, and every child i met and hand
i shook in an autograph line humbled and touched me. every
single one.

if you are lonely,
or battling a wrenching battle,
find a small group, or several, and you
will be amazed that when the meeting is over,
you will be revived and renewed. you will be
loved and others can stand with you, and pray for
you and your struggles. crush the noise of fear.
go! isolation is the worst if we are seeking fellowship
and love. if i could do it, so can you. i promise!!


  1. I was just thinking about you and when i signed into facebook, there you were! I also don't like small groups and don't like feeling closed in due to years of sexual abuse as a child. Jesus has healed me from that but the small group and closed in thing is still there. I do need to get out though and be around other people. I'll think about it Ann! Have a blessed day!!!

  2. This is just what I needed to hear today...I signed up to host a new small group in my home, starting tomorrow night. I have all sorts of fears and anxiety about this, but know God was leading me to do it. Thank you for the encouragement....