Tuesday, October 9

getting old is a journey you can only really understand
if you are there. old, i mean. your toes that once looked
so nice and straight and lined up. no bunions or crooked
ones. today, especially with all the thousands of miles of
running, i try in every way not to draw attention to my feet.

i have the same slender body. almost too skinny, in fact, even
though i eat anything and everything. the doctors call my heart
and state of health absolutely amazing. that's good. it is. BUT,
it doesn't replace the big knuckles on my fingers from arthritis (i guess).
my thumbs are the WORST from holding thousands and thousands of
books, and autographing at the same time. i no longer have my nails
done. it was NEVER one of my favorite things to have acrylics put on.
and today, too expensive. one ring on each hand. one from my
youngest son's birth mom; the other from my brother-in-law. so
i have old feet and hands.

then, there's your skin that just sort of goes south. i'm grateful
i don't have alot of skin, but my skinny thighs dimple in places
when i sit down (if i look). and my skin is so white. God has to love
those with darker skin more, don't you think? i used to get tan every
single week. i felt i was (and still do) alot more valuable with darker
skin. in the last eight months or so, i've been forced to write the
spray tan off my budget. when times get tough, the tough straighten
up and say good-bye to more glamorous things. this was the very
hardest to let go of. i wore leggings and little flats all summer to cover
all the white skin, and didn't even think of putting on a swim suit. i
work out in old sweats at the gym.

i can still keep pace with most anyone in the cardio area of the gym.
i can still hear God's voice, only much clearer today than ever.
i can know and understand His ways as i've never been able to
and i know my greatest job, aside from being what God wants
me to be, is to pray for my children, and inspire them to walk
with God today, i have seen the power of prayer in ways i simply
couldn't have comprehended at thirty and forty when my body looked
great in swim wear and there was no hanging skin.

and today really isn't about me and my accomplishments and
marriage and four, little, beautiful boys that consumed me. it is
all about worshipping the God of the universe Who longs for us
to spend more time with Him. my spirit is bright and my love
for Jesus deep. rooted far below the struggles and all the holes
i've fallen into. deep because of all the miles He and i
have spent together and all the times He's delivered me and all
the wrinkles He's ironed out of my life. i may be older, but i sure
wouldn't want to learn all the lessons already covered and all
the battles already fought and won. celebrate wherever you are in life.
and don't be afraid of growing old.
well, try not to be, even if it isn't a piece of cake.

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