ann kiemel

to run the Race.

to look people in the eye

and say, by the clear

conviction shining in your spirits,

that you are not afraid to run. to

fall flat on your face....

and not be so shamed that

you will stay down. will roll around

in the embarrassment of

all your imperfection.

NO!

you will always rise

again. bruised and bloody

and limping...and yes....maybe

shamed and raw and exposed and

eyes slightly downcast. BUT,

you will stand on your shaky

legs. first, you will only walk.

stumbling along the side of

the road...but slowly, you will

pick up your pace. your legs

stretching. and glory will begin

to shine along the edge of the

horizon. and glisten in your pace.

the faint echoes of choirs.

i can hear them. coming from

the redeemed. i am one of those.

the last year has knocked me

down. over and over. these

blogs have embarrassed me

beyond words. painting, across

the skies, how poverty-ridden

my soul is. my faithless spirit

of raw fear...rather than relentlessly

clinging to Jesus' powerful

promises...shames me.

i've been so scared.

have shared my children's

struggles, with their permission,

so you would know we are broken,

like everyone else..yet worried

that i haven't instead guarded

their hearts more carefully.

after all the physical suffering,

i must now face all it will take

to expunge these chemicals

from my addicted body. not

for a second have i considered

these pain pills once more

the answer to my earthly struggles

and sorrow.

but i am so terrified.

how to do it. who will

help me. can i wait until

my ribs and foot are healed?

i ask you all to forgive me for

not representing Jesus better.

oh, what a beautiful, magnificent

Savior He is. i'm so ashamed

of not being a tougher warrior

of the faith.

for you who have contributed

funds to help Jesus and me

change my neighborhood..

and all the love poured out 

in your comments...you all

have fed my soul. you have

painted such love across my

children's hearts. you have

been Jesus to the five of us.

our years as warriors have

been difficult...and i've not

always done it right, but with

all my heart and soul, i have

tried.

may we march with Jesus

leading us....and everytime we

stumble, and fall, may we rise

again. forgive ourselves and

others, and shout the victory

cry. i so love Jesus and you!!