Monday, October 7

to run the Race.
to look people in the eye
and say, by the clear
conviction shining in your spirits,
that you are not afraid to run. to
fall flat on your face....
and not be so shamed that
you will stay down. will roll around
in the embarrassment of
all your imperfection.

you will always rise
again. bruised and bloody
and limping...and yes....maybe
shamed and raw and exposed and
eyes slightly downcast. BUT,
you will stand on your shaky
legs. first, you will only walk.
stumbling along the side of
the road...but slowly, you will
pick up your pace. your legs
stretching. and glory will begin
to shine along the edge of the
horizon. and glisten in your pace.

the faint echoes of choirs.
i can hear them. coming from
the redeemed. i am one of those.
the last year has knocked me
down. over and over. these
blogs have embarrassed me
beyond words. painting, across
the skies, how poverty-ridden
my soul is. my faithless spirit
of raw fear...rather than relentlessly
clinging to Jesus' powerful
promises...shames me.

i've been so scared.
have shared my children's
struggles, with their permission,
so you would know we are broken,
like everyone else..yet worried
that i haven't instead guarded
their hearts more carefully.

after all the physical suffering,
i must now face all it will take
to expunge these chemicals
from my addicted body. not
for a second have i considered
these pain pills once more
the answer to my earthly struggles
and sorrow.

but i am so terrified.
how to do it. who will
help me. can i wait until
my ribs and foot are healed?

i ask you all to forgive me for
not representing Jesus better.
oh, what a beautiful, magnificent
Savior He is. i'm so ashamed
of not being a tougher warrior
of the faith.

for you who have contributed
funds to help Jesus and me
change my neighborhood..
and all the love poured out 
in your all
have fed my soul. you have
painted such love across my
children's hearts. you have
been Jesus to the five of us.
our years as warriors have
been difficult...and i've not
always done it right, but with
all my heart and soul, i have

may we march with Jesus
leading us....and everytime we
stumble, and fall, may we rise
again. forgive ourselves and
others, and shout the victory
cry. i so love Jesus and you!!


  1. Oh, Ann. Jesus is with you. He's seen you through--all these years. He's not going to quit now, and I love hearing you say it, know it! You've lifted me up more times than I can tell you, for the last 30 years or more--and now it's my turn to lift you up. I don't know you, except through your books and blog, but I love you and am praying...

  2. Oh Anne....(insert hug) I too want you to know that it is through your brokenness and weakness the Light shines through. We have also had a year of pain and disappointment like never before in our lives. It is only through His grace that we have kept it between the ditches. Hugs and prayers

  3. Ann, you are such a beautiful person, inside and out. You will probably never know how much your sharing of your weaknesses and fallibility has helped so many people. Especially me! One day at a time. Blessings!

  4. Isaiah 40:29
    He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
    In our weakness His strength is shown - be encouraged you are an amazing woman of God! Perfection is not our goal, just a total dependence on our gracious Father, Jesus, Spirit (what a journey! I too stumble and fall all over!) - you are His beloved, cherished, princess daughter, created perfectly for HIs call and glory. Again be encouraged that thru all you are cherished; your transparency sings to my soul - thank you!