ann kiemel

i love these verses

from "The Message":

"you're blessed when you are at

the end of your rope. with less of

you there is more of God and His rule......" and

"you're blessed when you're content

with just who you are...no more.

no less. that's the moment you

find yourselves proud owners of

everything that can't be bought."

tomorrow is Christmas eve.

almost the end of another year.

so many struggling people. a couple

whose heat and electricity were

turned off. phones that were being

disconnected. i did my best to help.

doesn't Jesus tell us to do that?!

but the most riveting experience

was a father who lost it, and,

in the end, called his truly decent,

beautiful, teenager some terrible

names because he is out of control,

and feels pretty awful about himself.

i was with his lovely, ex-wife,

and arrived at the house shortly

after. here was this strong, grown

man. screaming and storming

around...and then, i noticed he

was crying. weeping.

"i hate myself. i know i m

wrong. i just lost it!" and he

spoke this to me by name.

"ann..." over and over berating

himself. ravaged by failure and

self-hate.

maybe you feel differently,

but it broke me, and began to

cover any judgment i had because

he was humble enough to confess

he was a "jerk". wrong. way wrong.

that is what i want to say to

you: if i crossed the line in what

i said about will, my husband...if

i was unkind and demeaning, and

should have kept quiet, i take

responsibility. if i've moaned and

groaned and pulled you down

all year by my excruciating struggles,

i humbly beg for mercy...

and forgiveness.

will and i had so much wrong

with both of us. but i know if

he were alive today, he'd be

telling husbands and fathers

what he saw and learned the

last five days of his life. 

he was always, from day one of our marriage,

confessing he was a

pharisee. it took me a lot longer

to really see my own deep holes

of illness. i was faithful...truly loved will
and he loved me...i just know and
was utterly faithful, too.

when i write my blogs,

i am always trying to think of

where most the world is...and are

enough people being vulnerable

about their weaknesses and

horrors and dark places because

that is what i'm willing to lay on

the line. so you won't feel alone.

isolated.

loving people.

that is the essence and

core of who i am. and knowing

Jesus is the ONLY Hope. longing

for others to not miss Him. there

is not a drop of good anywhere

else in me.

my children are the rising

sun and soaring eagles. the

afternoon breeze and every

rainbow that has ever shown

itself when the glorious sun

breaks through the rain. they

are everything. i used to be

so proud of their successes..

and i still am, but i'm radical,

down in my soul, about their

walks with Jesus. we are so

bonded. so knit together, but

i want to make sure that is what

they are with Jesus, too.

i love you all so.

a beautiful Christmas to you, 

inspite of how little or much you

have; how tough the Race.

Jesus!

He is Who i want.

the One i long for. His Word

in my heart. please...yes..forgive

the year of maybe saying too

much about pain. for not being

"happy" enough. i promise to

try and lead you to higher peaks

in the year to come. you are the

world to me.