Tuesday, December 3

it was one of those flawless
days. june 7, 1981,
the day will and i married.
a sunday afternoon, my favorite
day of the week. a large, old
church across from the boston commons.

my holy father,
a pastor for fifty years, 
married us...and raymond
berry, will's football hero...
the all-time great, wide receiver
for the baltimore colts, walked me
down the aisle. a choir of ghetto
children preceded me down the
aisle, singing.

i understand why most
brides break into tears as they
start down the aisle. in our hearts,
we really mean to be married
for the duration of our lives. only
when you are getting married
do you understand how huge it
is, for better or worse, to give
yourself away...'til death.

before our wedding,
i never once asked will
how much money he made.
at that time in my life, i was
wealthy. many best-selling
books. a full staff. and...i
chose to sell my condo
on the atlantic waters in boston
to be completely committed
to will's life as a potato farmer.

i pray you will stick with me
through these blogs because
it is a story of love and rage and
pain....and finally, today, victory.
and victory didn't come when
will died 13 years ago, but
within the last year.

just painting around the edges.
a rough overview. large strokes
of glaring errors and massive
leaps of forgiveness. a door that might open ...
and suck enough air in to make the rooms of your
hearts grow. and soften. and
blow the enemy out the side window.

if will and i never talked money
or budgeting before walking
down the aisle, and i never saw
one penny of his income for years,
you can imagine how we started.

and though i utterly believed this
was the man for me, i had
never learned to love myself so
how could i genuinely love anyone

i will do my best
to show you what it's taken
for God to still be teaching the
children and me that love can
live inspite of harrowing obstacles.

with much prayer and love.
and hoping you had a beautiful


  1. Thank you for sharing this Ann. I'm glad you have the victory now, and can't wait to hear how you got there! Blessings, Theresa

  2. Thanks Ann for continuing to share your journey and how God has embraced, encouraged, sustained and brought healing. Years ago I mentored a group of a half dozen women who married Christian men and did not know the backrounds of their husbands and the challenges emotionally their husbands dealt with from their families of origin, which visited their marriages and families. The gathering together to share, pray and study God's Word bonded us together. I have encouraged them to follow your blog. I am thankful for you and long to hear how God has guided you and brought you to victory! Keeping you in prayer precious Ann!

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    1. So poignant- I will be awaiting with anticipation for the next installments.