thank you, so sincerely, for
all your love and prayers and
compassion for me. the way you
wrap your hearts around my
wounds....and draw me into
the circle. if a
picture could be
drawn of God's love, it would
look like you.
people can say marriage is hard,
or a broken rib really hurts, but
unless you've walked the path,
it is, truly, a foreign concept. i
was married for 19yrs., and have
broken multiple ribs. neither easy.
will was black and white. his way
or the highway. i will always believe he wanted to be the best
husband and father, but he didn't
grow up with the tools instilled in him.
will was the first-born,
and only son...and loved and
adored at his house. he walked
on glistening, colored stones and treated like a prince.
will was the first to find Jesus,
and miraculously, led his entire
family to the Lord. a beautiful
story, but he was academic about
everything, and felt powerful. me?
i was the most serious co-dependent ever.
i looked professional and intelligent, but
i grew up with my brother never,
ever looking at me so i was positive
i was less than nothing which
translated into my marriage .
will ran the show,
and i buried my growing
rage over money issues and
no power. as the children were.born,
it became more
complicated. i was afraid of
really standing up for anything.
the Bible said we are to honor
and obey our husbands, and
nothing terrified me more than
the LAW was will's sword and shield,
but law without divine
love created judgement and criticism,
i thought, and will's passion
to take our little sons, and make
them tough and fearless ruled.
one of will's live and die by Bible
verses was "spare the rod and
spoil the child." the children and i
were afraid of will, though i never
verbalized it. some things i can't
has to be one of God's ways
of shaping us. forgiveness is
imperative. a humble spirit is
a major working tool. it aligns
us with the Cross, and it really
does take time and sacrifice to
"if you don't go all the way
with Me, through thick and thin,
you don't deserve Me. if your
first concern is to look after yourself,
you'll never find yourself. but if you forget about yourself
and look at Me, you'll find both
yourself and Me." matthew 10:38-39
"it is best to start small. give a cool cup of water to
someone who is
thirsty. the smallest act of giving
or receiving makes you a true apprentice.
you won't lose out on a thing." matthew 10:40-42
i was authentic and grown up
on the outside, but underdeveloped
at my core. emotionally fragile.
one night, in the heart of boston,
a couple years before i met will,
i was sexually assaulted. terrifying.
it was not until my honeymoon
that we realized something was wrong.
flew into town, and will
immediately drove me to the
a sexually-transmitted disease?!!
so naive, i had never heard of it
before. nothing on earth could
have destroyed me in an instant
as that did. i was sullied.
abused. ruined. the doctor gave
me the first morphine shot of my
life. immediate healing of body
and soul, and the beginning of an
addiction. a two-week
honeymoon, and then my nail--beds...scalp..fingers...and heart
dried to a crisp like my soul.
they caught the man, but they couldn't give back what was taken.
in the end, however,
God has used EVERYTHING, as He
promises, and works it all for good.