Wednesday, January 9

i don't know about you all......
but it has been so difficult for me
to walk away from all the excitement
that Christmas brought. my children
and i had such a great time together.
i inhaled every moment, and lined up
every beautiful memory in my mind so
i could replay them over and over.

dry leaves and cold wind and
gray skies surround me. i am so
far behind on my mail. want to
rearrange my bedroom. change!
i need new order and clean corners
and fresh plans. i remember jan and
tom returning from a vacation in hawaii, and
jan saying she never wanted to have so much
fun on a vacation again. it was just too painful
to come back down to earth.

tonight is Bible study fellowship. tomorrow
night, celebrate recovery. the world is back
to me. working on my many imperfections.
looking in the mirror at my glaring shortcomings.
it took me thirty minutes, sitting in front of panera's,
with my computer on my lap, to gather the courage
to get out of my car and come inside to work.

i long to inspire you with these blogs, but
i post each one with a sigh. pitiful, i say to myself.
just pitiful. and my brain is racing over my little
korean lady at the dry cleaners. we have love. that's
for sure. a bond. but it's been around my clothes and
style, and i am not sure how much english she speaks.
what kind of flowers does she like? i want to wrap her
frail, tiny body in my arms and pull her close...and tell
her she is NOT alone. of course, i'm her friend. and
we are going to create some fun for ourselves. it's just
crazy that i am suddenly stumped by just how i should
go about this. sitting in church yesterday, i could al-
ready picture her there, with me. knowing Jesus, too.
the Friend of ALL friends.

this is where i am today.
wondering if any of you feel
kind of lonely and frustrated, too.

Jesus is calling.
i can hear Him.
He is our only real Hope.
let's run to Him.


  1. the feeling is prevalent, God will strengthen us to throw it off, January seems to have that affect.
    Bless you for getting out of your car.

  2. i LOVE your friendship with the Korean lady. my Korean friends are open to sharing and love with a child-like trust and a fidelity that surpasses most of my other friends. Shari

  3. I love all of your blogs. They so give me courage. It's a long distance friendship. I too think January is cold and lonely, but reading, music and art help also. Love and prayers from N.C!!