Monday, August 5

"isn't He wonderful,
wonderful, wonderful...
isn't Jesus, our Lord,

Jesus is my passion.
my Song.  my morning joy
and only Hope in the darkness.
but these have been hard,
rugged months, as you know.
my foot surgery in early february,
where i remain in critical pain.
opinions from multiple doctors.
scared.  confused. more surgery?
the arduous task of detoxing off
pain medicine when correction is

and jan's cancer and near death.
my four sons who make my heart
ache with joy and longing...
and pride and concern.  an endearment that courses
through me.  that they might not
just know Jesus,  but be sold
out to Him. that God can count on
them to carry His Redemption
wherever they go.

without all your prayers
and love and compassion...
your comments that have
swept me away from the cliffs
of utter despair...without you,
i can't imagine surviving.

trying to blog in this state
of mind has been, for the most
part, agony.  you deserve messages
of hope.  of broken people
being loved.  of a mother who
knows how to parent better.
more Scripture of God's unwavering
faithfulness.  you are warriors,
in the midst of battle, and you
need to be fed solid Food...and
inspired.  i fall so short!

i've been working with..and loving..
a young mother of six. 
i was praying with her over the phone
tonight, at a most critical,
desperate moment.  we had to
have a miracle when her husband
suddenly pulled into the driveway.

another mother with five,
all five years and under, asked
if i would help with the children
at the doctor's office.  but
she forgot to tell me the office
number or name of doctor. a
huge medical building. 
i methodically went to every obgyn

"have you seen a woman with
five, small children?"

finally, the last office.
i came down to the name of
my friend.

"yes, across the hall.
in 15 minutes."

i was waiting when
babies and toddlers
streamed in.

jan didn't die.
brandt got the firefighting job.
"mom, i want to know everything
going on in the family so we all
truly stand together," requested
my oldest.  united, bonded sons.

if i just don't forget
that in my darkest hours....
when life feels too give
my life away, then joy will
gush into my wounds.  that
pain is a gift.  through it, I have
learned that you love me.
that you are some of God's
greatest gifts to me.  superficiality
fades, and Jesus and i become

"our light affliction, which is but
for a moment, is working for us
a far more exceeding and eternal
weight of glory."  2 corinthians 4

Jesus our Lord, is wonderful.
and so are you!


  1. Amazing that you share struggles, sorrows and tears, as well as the joys. This helps us see you more complete. Not just a famous person who writes words on a screen. Thank you. I'm not so perfect but good to know that Jesus still can use me, too. :-)

  2. Ann--sending you comforting thoughts and prayers from Pocatello. Love you! Amy

  3. I don't think we deserve anything particularly but as fellow warriors and warrior princesses, we want and need truth and honesty. We want and need to see how others deal with the daily struggles of this earthly journey and still keep their eyes on Abba on The One who loves us most. You give us that and in doing so, continue to give us hope and encouragement. All of us (if we are honest) have major struggles daily--some almost intolerable--that is this earthly life. As we share those struggles, it gives us the courage to continue on here so that we may truly live 'there' with Father God. Appreciate you and your desire to change the world.

  4. Hi Ann:) I know you have been through so much and frankly I would rather be encouraged by someone i can relate to than someone who never seems to have any sort of problems. You are REAL. You speak volumes when you tell us about all the trials and things that hit you every day. Don't you dare worry about trying to build us up because the fact is...we cling onto everything you write and so many of us are filled with despair, brokeness, abandonment,etc. When i read your blogs it encourages me to quit focusing on all the stuff i am going through and to start praying for you and your family and others around me. Some christians go around as though nothing ever hits them and that's so plastic. You do give us hope, you are a good mother who loves her children very much, we know GOD loves broken people, i know you do what you say and i knew it when i met you so long ago. It is so hard to rise above things in life especially when you can't see the truth. But, you are doing it! My prayer is that you will see yourself how God see's you! Not as a defeated person. Don't give up on yourself. I think you are believing lies from the enemy because i do not see any of those things in you at all. I am going through some of the same things as you. You are teaching me how to be a warrior, i never really knew how to before. I hope that somewhere you are keeping all these blogs that you write because i think you could put them in a book. I love you Ann and because of you i make a choice to run to win............Please know that we praying for all of you continuously..................<3

  5. thank you for your painful honesty. In the midst of the struggles that you face, you know your God. That's what we need to hear and see. For that, I am so thankful.