Thursday, August 8

six months of unrelenting agony.
unable to wear anything but flip-flops.  three surgeries, and no
success.  it has thrown me into a
darkness I have never known.  
i have quoted God's promises.
cried out, on my face, to Jesus..
but when i open my eyes every morning,
i can't imagine another day of this.  
my joy seems like nothing more than a tattered,  
soiled thread of fear that i kick around, and can barely 
hold onto.  please don't be disappointed in me.  just pray.

jan has a collapsed lung and pneumonia.  
my arms are wrapped around her as she has her blood test thursday
re: her myeloma.
my blue eyes brim with tears at
least half of every day. 
the mention of my foot or jan tends to bend my soul in half.  
like a gnawing vice,
chewing right behind my belly button.

well...enough of this.  you know
me well enough to know that every
single day, in unexpected moments,
i look for, and find, a touch of glory
where Jesus shines.  i throw my arms around His neck.  
i bury my face in the vast warmth and smell of
unrelenting love and generosity and
compassion He has for me.  someone so broken and imperfect.

"i have seen Him.
i have known Him..
and He walks and talks with me.
and the glory of His Presence
shall be mine eternally."
author unknown

well, fellow runners,
this is the Race we all have.
gain and loss.
victory and defeat.
faith and adoration...
and fears and doubt.
it takes all of these
to make our life's journey
so magnificent.  so together,
let's tackle what Jesus has handed
us...with all our might.
and watch, every day,
for the sunrise.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Ann,
    Praying and lifting you and Jan up. So sorry for hard times. God our Father is FOR you. Jesus walks alongside you. The Holy Spirit is IN you. You'll get thru this by His grace always! Thnx for reaching out in your pain. We grieve with you. Sending much love and healing.