Saturday, August 17

my friend, kat, sent
me these beautiful verses:

"open your mouth and taste.
open your eyes and see...HOW
good God is.  blessed are you
who run to Him...

"worship God if you want
the best; worship open doors
to all His goodness."
psalm 34:7-9  the message

what a day!
brock called on his way home
from work...and i had a scattered
brain. had had a catscan
and physical therapy before
i see the surgeon on monday. my
friend was in the emergency room
at lodi memorial.  i, in the grocery

an empty conversation
with my son.  it broke my heart.
it felt like being at a rock concert,
and chattering about nothing
with God.  sadness and concern
brushing themselves roughly
against my already raw heart.

sarah was released from the
hospital with a catheter bag
still inserted. her husband helped
her into my car.  she is 18 months
clean, and scowled  at me.

"what the hell?!!"
holding onto her catheter.

laughter, bordering on hysterics,
overtakes me.  i stop at a
grocery store and buy us a chocolate cake and a people
magazine.  we both hobble into
my house in pain.  she and her
husband are here for the night.
the five children distributed
among family.  i paid their phone
bill so they can at least stay
connected.  they are so grateful
for everything.

last night, i slept at tom's and
jan's in sacramento. her report
from the oncologist wasn't

i have always wanted to
die first.  truly believing jan
could handle my loss better
than i could hers. how can there be
life without her?!

"moment by moment,
i'm kept in His love.
moment by moment,
new life from above.
looking to Jesus' til Glory
doth shine....
moment by moment,
oh, Lord, i am Thine."
(old hymn; author unknown)

often, this glorious, hard Race
demands everything.  all of
us have massive areas of
chaos in our  lives.  even if
it is all crammed down as
deeply and quietly as possible. 
something seems to always be
kicking up dust somewhere.

i'll walk with pain the rest of
my life...and count it all joy... if my children will truly
follow Jesus.  will live His love
to a broken world.   and know
how honored and thrilled and
proud i am to be their mother.

colson shouldn't be smoking
cigarettes, but he has
had anxiety since a little boy.
taylor was awarded for his
brilliant film degree, but still
doesn't have a job that draws
all his creativity to the screen, and
he is afraid his vision is drying up.
brock would literally live in his
car if he could play his bass in
a band that were to perform weekly.
brandt is just thrilled where he is.
and jasmine is happy.  for
him, that's everything. 
our little baby-doll just makes everything better.

and i just celebrate
all of you
because you are overcomers,
and warriors with backbones
for Jesus.

let's dance in His love
all weekend....and see everyone
through the loving eyes of God.

1 comment:

  1. I am a twin too. I know how you feel; my nightmare is thinking that someday I will have to live without her. Xoxo--- someone cares.