before i finish my thoughts on taylor, i wanted
to remind us all that we will ALWAYS fall short
of the "glory of God." Jesus says that no one,
not even one of us on this earth, is righteous.
that no one has done good. not a man on earth
who does not sin.
this should humble the self-righteous, and encourage
those who feel they fall way short of God's goodness.
as parents or students or business employed or
even queens and kings are of any good except through
the love and compassion of God. and yes, of course,
the Blood. Christ's Blood that spilled from Him into
every crevice and wound and sin...and continues to
this very day.
"covered by the Blood, we are covered
by the Blood..our sins are all covered by the Blood..
our iniquities so vast have been blotted out at last...
our sins are ALL covered by the Blood." (old gospel hymn)
i see so much of taylor's birth mom in him. all the
best pieces. when he was old-enough to understand,
and met his birth mom (she had been with him often
as he grew), i believe for the first time, taylor understood
himself. it was a precious moment for me. like robin, he
is quiet. definitely not a show-off. tentative. and i've learned
that he is always way down the road from me in my thinking.
taylor bites his nails. have you noticed all the first-born people
around you who bite their nails? i have. it makes perfect
sense to me. back to the pressure and expectation we tend
to place on our first-borns because we are ignorant and foolish
and proud. at least that is true of will and me.
when he was a newborn, i would lay him on my bed,
and read the Bible out-loud to him. somehow, i felt that if
i could just plant the seeds of God's vast love into taylor's
tiny, little being that he would ALWAYS feel the gentle love
what taylor is today is completely different than what he was
as a little boy. or even as a teenager. he's developed a voice.
where he is confident and free to talk and express and teach and
be funny. when he was applying for a scholarship back east, he
had to write an essay. he spent hours on this essay while i just
paced and prayed. he was scientific and mathematical and never
believed at that time that he could write. however, i had seen his
school work and i knew it was in him. finally, after midnight, he
came in and asked me what i thought he had chosen to write
about. i called it right, and he immediately handed me his
masterpiece. i still have it.
eventually, taylor walked away from full scholarships to several
schools. moved to san diego (with brock at his side), and spent
several months trying to get a job. it was not easy, but he finally
was hired by a publishing company, and was in charge of all
those at computers. the bosses had him host the big guys from
the east when they came west, and taylor got the idea to send a
letter about himself and the company; a fun thing. clever. every
couple of months. when he learned that he could do life, he applied and....
he was accepted into cal.state univ. monterey bay. the school he
really wanted to go to. in the middle of this journey, he changed his
major from marine biology to film. with his specialty in editing.
he has a full-time job at a film company in monterey, and goes to
school full-time. like my other three sons, he has moments of
doubt about himself, but inspite of will's and my faults, he grew
up to be a lion. bold and strong. it took losses and some
pain for taylor to sort out the pieces of himself, but he and God
i spent many, many, many hours holding and cuddling my sons.
i kissed them and celebrated them and to this day, lie flat on my
face by my bed, and cry out to God for them. we rode bikes together
and played in made-up forts in the back yard and collected pets and i
baked more sweet things than i did good, pure nourishment.
don't be hard on yourselves as parents.
remember: no one is good. no one is without sin.
not a single man or woman on this earth. we do the best
we can as parents, and we always remember that unconditional
LOVE is all there is and all there was and all there will ever be. and
tied onto that is truth. pure and unsullied and holy. amen. amen.