Monday, April 16

i sinned yesterday.
and probably will before today is over.
my friend arises very early to pray, and....
first, she praises God.  then confesses yesterday's sins.
so here i am.  confessing to you that
i seem to keep sinning in word, thought, or deed.
over and over and over.
i run to Jesus.  i don't usually
wait until tomorrow morning.
so anxious to be back in perfect
communion with the Lord.
there were many things i had to accomplish
yesterday.  the bank.  the dry cleaners (mainly to hug
my korean friend). getting my hair high-lighted.  do another
blog, etc.  my friend, who is a pill addict, kept calling me
and totally forgetting that she had done it ten minutes ago.
and would start talking nonsense that i couldn't even understand.
finally, i lost it.
"what  have you taken?
i hate when we can't really talk.
i never know if you are going to be
on or off re: your pills.  you can sound
so good and energized and normal for two or
three days, and then, out of nowhere, you crash
back into the flooded confusions, and i,
somehow, crash with you."
"and  i get so frustrated!!"
then, God started reminding me of ALL the times,
when i was using, and didn't make sense, i'm sure,
to others who called me.  and ended up so frustrated
over me.  i'm amazed friends stuck with me.  where was
my humility and compassion?!
i call my friend, and i humbly ask her to forgive me.
confessing my own failures in the past when my addiction
was in full-swing.  i tell my friend HOW much i love her.
and we start mending the bridge where it has been
compromised between us.  over and over and over again.
confession is good for the soul, Jesus says.
if God brings something to mind, you, too, can run
and make peace.  the sun will shine again. the
choirs will start singing.  you will hear the swell
of voices who have also been delivered again and
again and again. 
yesterday, i sinned.
please, Lord, make my heart right
with You.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing that Ann. I sinned this weekend and have hurt someone I care about...I am not at peace and not sleeping well. I am thankful for your helps to know that I am not alone in my failures. I will confess my sin, as you say, and return to Jesus. xo donna