ann kiemel

i can't think of anything that could be defined

as failure if one picks himself up and gets back

into the Race.  it is kind of like a lie is only a lie

if you don't immediately turn around and tell the truth.

just so you know,

i don't write about my children without

their permission.

colson and i had lots of business to take care of.

it seemed he would work somewhere (oh, he once made ALL

the pizza dough for a popular place here) for four or five months,

and then, he'd quit and be ready for something new. all my

words about staying the course and being loyal to one employer

did not sink in.  he would come home and play "war of the world craft"...

or something similar...for hours. he'd apply here and there, but

he just got stuck staying up most of the night, and sleeping

most of the day.

about three years ago,

colson announced he was moving back to modesto,

45 min. from here. where he had graduated from high school.

"colson, if you move back today, you cannot come home again.

unless it's Christmas or Easter or a family gathering.  do you REALLY

understand this?"

"yes, yeah, mom.  okay."

"colson, i realy mean this!"

i remember the night he called as i was

walking into a prayer class.

"mom!  it's pouring rain, and i have no where to sleep,

and i'm cold and so hungry.  you HAVE to come get me!"

"honey, i can't. i'm just walking into a class.  listen,

colson, find a bathroom.  go into a stall, and get down

on your knees, and ask Jesus to help you right now."

"you mean you are going to leave me out here?!!

to sleep on a park bench? mom....."

trust me, it was one of the hardest moments of my

motherhoood.  it nearly killed me.  i loved my son

more than all the seams around my heart and soul; and

with every pump of my heart, pushing my blood flow

through my  body. that is how much

i love him and my other three sons

more than breath and morning breeze.

more than anything but Jesus.

could i stick to my guns?

well, i did.   over and over and over.

and colson took amtrak to boulder, colorado,

and returned to modesto. and he FOUND HIS WAY!!

two years of unrelenting tough love.  literally, one of the

toughest  things i've ever done.  every piece of me

wanted to enable colson's happiness.  that is how

lost i was. and how much i love him and wanted his

happiness.

today, my beautiful son is married to a very sweet,

feisty little gal, and the father to her yr. old baby daughter

who adores him.  he works hard.  never complains about

his work. NEVER.  he and christina are very young, but i

just lie on my face, and pray and pray and pray.  i'm very

proud of colson .  he's my star i wear everywhere!