Tuesday, April 10

i can't think of anything that could be defined
as failure if one picks himself up and gets back
into the Race.  it is kind of like a lie is only a lie
if you don't immediately turn around and tell the truth.
just so you know,
i don't write about my children without
their permission.
colson and i had lots of business to take care of.
it seemed he would work somewhere (oh, he once made ALL
the pizza dough for a popular place here) for four or five months,
and then, he'd quit and be ready for something new. all my
words about staying the course and being loyal to one employer
did not sink in.  he would come home and play "war of the world craft"...
or something similar...for hours. he'd apply here and there, but
he just got stuck staying up most of the night, and sleeping
most of the day.
about three years ago,
colson announced he was moving back to modesto,
45 min. from here. where he had graduated from high school.
"colson, if you move back today, you cannot come home again.
unless it's Christmas or Easter or a family gathering.  do you REALLY
understand this?"
"yes, yeah, mom.  okay."
"colson, i realy mean this!"
i remember the night he called as i was
walking into a prayer class.
"mom!  it's pouring rain, and i have no where to sleep,
and i'm cold and so hungry.  you HAVE to come get me!"
"honey, i can't. i'm just walking into a class.  listen,
colson, find a bathroom.  go into a stall, and get down
on your knees, and ask Jesus to help you right now."
"you mean you are going to leave me out here?!!
to sleep on a park bench? mom....."
trust me, it was one of the hardest moments of my
motherhoood.  it nearly killed me.  i loved my son
more than all the seams around my heart and soul; and
with every pump of my heart, pushing my blood flow
through my  body. that is how much
i love him and my other three sons
more than breath and morning breeze.
more than anything but Jesus.
could i stick to my guns?
well, i did.   over and over and over.
and colson took amtrak to boulder, colorado,
and returned to modesto. and he FOUND HIS WAY!!
two years of unrelenting tough love.  literally, one of the
toughest  things i've ever done.  every piece of me
wanted to enable colson's happiness.  that is how
lost i was. and how much i love him and wanted his
today, my beautiful son is married to a very sweet,
feisty little gal, and the father to her yr. old baby daughter
who adores him.  he works hard.  never complains about
his work. NEVER.  he and christina are very young, but i
just lie on my face, and pray and pray and pray.  i'm very
proud of colson .  he's my star i wear everywhere!


  1. Bravco to you for being strong. It's so difficult to do, but it was all worth it to see your son find his way. May God bless you and all your boys :)

  2. Tough love is the toughest - especially when it comes to your kids!

    Just wanted you to know that I have loved you since I was young ... you inspired me to love other people to Jesus, to change my world by living a life worthy of my call... your words continue to speak to me, encourage me, remind me ...
    that I am a representative of the Father... that I can make a difference with a touch, a word, a smile... people's lives depend on it.