Thursday, July 26
have you ever sat on your bed
and pondered all the things that are bothering you?
i do. and always to my demise.
last night, i was studying my feet.
when did my toes become so ugly?
i know i've run thousands of miles on them,
and broken several of the toes, twice, but
they are embarrassing. i definitely need
new running shoes. mine are 10 years old,
and one of my feet turns in as if it needs an
orthodic. or even surgery. it would help if
they were painted, but i'm wearing socks around
the house so i don't have to look at them.
and then, my skin. my face is the only skin
on my body that is clear and moist and pink.
the rest of my body has damaged skin from the
sun. i was born longing to have brown skin.
and all the vacations in the sun and the tanning
beds (i had to do this in secret because will would
get so upset) have now taken their toll. dry and
rough and discolored. of course,
i've been craving sweets, and i can tell
i've gained a few pounds. if i had my way,
i'd eat half a pie every other day. or some cobbler.
my mother taught us that sweets were very important.
and every meal, even breakfast, we had something
sweet. none of us ever had weight issues, and i
can never remember the word "diet" being mentioned...
ever..around our tables. last night i was studying my
body standing side-ways in the mirror. i need to
start doing some sit-ups.
by the time i was done evaluating myself, and
trying to shove the panic of all my imperfections
down deeper under my skin, i was in tears. i
pulled my hair back in a ponytail. soaked my
face with very good cream i sacrifice to have,
and i crawled into bed. lights out and tears wet
on my cheeks.
i love that little chorus (author unknown):
"so...forget about yourself, and concentrate on Him,
and worship Him...just forget about yourself, and concentrate
on Him.....and worship Him. Jesus Christ, the Lord..."
look for something beautiful
to say to someone. it will make
all the harder things in their lives
seem so much easier to face.