Monday, August 13

what gives a mother more joy
than to build beautiful memories
with her children?!

taylor and i talked across the room
to each other in the darkness. about
life and his future and where he is now.
we took walks. shared every meal. and
went shopping at discount stores. my
son did not even own one pair of jeans.
he had worn the three i bought him four
years ago for college until they were shredded.
never told me. just gave things up to make
it. his face was flushed and radiant when we
made our last stop at a nike outlet, and he
found a pair of shoes for $44.

"mom, how can you do this....?!"

i laughed with such excitement and joy.
"mothers find ways, taylor. a mother's love
breaks through all the barriers and believes
against all odds that ways can be made; that
God can open all the windows and give. He
knows there is no real gratitude unless we have
needs, and then He pours out His blessings."

the amtrak (bus and train) trip home was long
and exhausting. i had parked my car next to the
station, and as i deboarded in lodi, and headed
to my car, i noticed a woman sitting on a bench
close to the railroad tracks. just caught her face,
and instantly, Jesus said, "i want you to speak to her!"

"oh, Jesus," i argued, "please don't ask me to do this.
i am so tired. so anxious to get home and out of this
unbearable heat. You don't really mean it is that important,
do You?"

but i know the Voice of God.
He's spoken to me thousands and thousands
of times. usually about me helping Him out in
this perverse world. so...i put my bags in the car,
grabbed my purse back out, and headed clear back
to the station. as i turned the corner, i noticed this
woman was now standing at the opposite edge of
the building. i approached her. smiling.

"hi, i'm ann. and i want you to know
that Jesus has commanded me to come
back here and speak to you. is everything okay?"

only then did i notice that she had a grocery cart,
with a couple of bags in it. she seemed a little agitated.
"i'm trying to find my money because i need to buy
some cigarettes."

"oh, i'm so sorry, but i don't have any cash on me.
well, wait a minute. let me check." i found $2.50,
and put it in her hands, smiling into her eyes.
"this is all i have. maybe it will help a little," i said.

she smiled back into my face.
"thank you!"

"well, i just want you to know that Jesus sent
me here to tell you He really, really loves you...and
that whatever it is in your life that is crushing you,
and breaking your hope is ALL covered by Him. He
told me to let you know that He has it all taken care
of. He has it under control. that you don't need to worry
or be afraid."

she gave me a wistful, grateful nod.
she let me know she really needed God, and
she would remember.

as i headed back to my car,
i was thrilled i could tell another about Jesus,
but my greatest joy was that i obeyed. what a
joy it is to know that amidst all my failures and
slip-ups and ordinary inadequacies, i had said
"yes" to Jesus. had been quiet enough to hear Him.
to believe that He would give me His words for
her when i got to her. and He did!

after the almost-deadly car crash,
i remembered this woman. and was so
grateful that i hadn't left this unfinished business.

that i had dropped everything, and had devotions
tuesday morning....receiving the
peace of God before i went out the door and
almost died two minutes later.

i don't want to die and not have
given Jesus my best. made Him first. and loved
others in His name. tonight, i roll around in His love.
drink it up. swim in its warmth. tonight would never
have come if God had not spared my life. soak
it up, dear friends. soak up the goodness of every
breath and every new morning sky.

1 comment:

  1. So very glad God kept you safe. I love reading about how much you love your kids!