Saturday, June 1

one year in 12-step.
started with nine. ended
with nine.  we all stuck it
out.  laid our sins on the table.
cried.  studied.  had two great
leaders.  we fought together
for recovery.  broken and war-
ravaged  and yearning for

God's peace.
different from the world's.
redeemed and cleansed and
delivered from
all our wayward ways.
the drugs or alcohol or pills
or forms of coping that made
us so much less than what
Jesus wants for us. life
slamming into walls of
despair instead of hope....
and those of us who chose
the wrong coping skills.

it took courage
for me every week go.
i never had my whole lesson
completed.  i felt shy speaking
about me.  the embarrassing. but we were sisters.
truly.  and somehow they all
seemed to love me.  even with
gulping sobs and  pitiful

thank you for such tender,
moving words about brandt's
and jasmine's departure, with
my doll-baby, colben. brandt
not letting me go without wrapping
his massive arms around me.
pulling me into his broad chest.
with his head burned  into my neck.
he held me tightly. trying to pour
his love and strength into me.  
like breathing fire into my shaky
legs so i wouldn't fall, crumpled
onto the ground.  my  baby!  my baby.....

i got into my car 
without tears shed.
eyes shining.  a miracle in 
living color.  once safely down
the freeway, i allowed the tears
to come.  a mother is  always a

i pulled in to get some gas.
knowing a lot of traffic was ahead.
a kid...maybe eight..biked over
to the pump.  donning  a
baseball cap.

"ma'am, do you have money
for a candy bar?"

"yes, of course  let me get
the pump started..."

i rummaged around
my purse. came up with
$1.50.  he took it. stuffing it
in his pocket...and remained,.
with feet planted.  going nowhere.

"do you know Jesus?"
"yeah...but i need more money!"
"child, you need some manners.
that is all i have. just never
forget how much Jesus loves

he biked off without a thanks.
and brandt was down the freeway.
"let the beauty of  Jesus be
seen in me..."

Jesus is our powerful weapon
of love. whether it be an obnoxious
kid ...oh, Jesus loves him!  or...
the sorrows and adventures of
parenting or the courage of
sobriety. march on, warriors.
march on.

loving each of you!!!

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