Saturday, July 6

july 4

july 4, in monterey.
breezy. hair-swept. the sun
dancing on the rippling, busy
waves among throngs of people.

taylor and i start out.
camera slung over one shoulder...
and with his other arm, taylor
hanging on to me.  pain meds
in my system so i can walk.
a photo shoot to achieve, and
rocks to climb over..and steps
to conquer. maneuvering through
wind and sun placement in the
sky and cars and bikes and
many smiling faces.

having to take this pain medication
is definitely not addiction, but
survival.  watching runners put
tears in my eyes.  i dream of
the day i can toss the pills,
and even just walk without
searing knife jabs.  at least we
finally know i'm not just a
"slow heal";  the bone just
never fused.

this is, as i've mentioned, for
the new cover of my book,
"seduced by success..".
deliverance. wholeness.  and
having my sweet, tall, lean
son.. fresh out of school with
his film degree...position me.
and study the sky. and smile
in whole-hearted support, while
snapping away.  how much
better can it get?!!

i was done.  enough.
we headed for the most
authentic, french bakery
and ordered a princess cake
with marzipan.  an almond croissant. two baby quiches,
and a raspberry pastry. cold
drinks. a cozy table.

we inhaled it all.
we both have that blessing
of calories somehow sliding
right out of our systems to
places far away and unknown.
my mother weighed 125 pounds
almost her entire life, and at
5'8", i'm even a little less.

there are many other things
i don't have that i wish for. i
hope that before i die, someone
will discover a pill you can swallow
that instantly turns white skin
dark.  maybe not' til heaven.

i pray you had a blessed
fourth!  happy birthday, sara!

"i will tell of the kindnesses
of the Lord....yes, the many good
things He has done..."  isaiah 63


"ann, and private photographer...taylor"


  1. What a wonderful picture! I am also still on pain meds and they weren't working so well and the doc put me on fentanyl patches and i hated the feeling. I am back to the pills. My question do you know if you are addicted and how do u get off of them and then what do u do for the pain? I'm the one who had the back surgery, disks replaces, bone spurs scraped, and then fused..............I'm sorry i have to post this on your blog for everyone to see..i hope it's alright. Anyway, i hope the photo shoots went well and so glad you werent alone on the 4th. We can get through this! I'm praying for your feet! Keep looking up because HE is gonna get us through this! Lovely picture!........

  2. Great pic.

    With me, I have an autoimmune disease, RA and a crooked back. Really bad pain is a constant (and unwanted) compannion and I have no idea what a good night's sleep feels like (it's been this way since my early 20's and I'm now 51)so I'd settle for a pill that cut my pain in half w/out negative side affects. I don't mind my white skin but I use to pay for curly hair lol--I've learned that my straight hair and white skin is okay--it's the insides I have to consistently work on.