Monday, June 18

father's day always makes me sad
because i have four sons without their dad.
when they were younger, i always tried to do
something..whatever i could think make
the rude reality of loss softened.

then i think of all the men who wish they COULD
be fathers, and can't. and those separated by divorce.
when my children were younger, almost without exception,
their friends all came from broken homes. one week
with father and one with mother. i really didn't notice
that the children were unhappy. it was just life for them.
the norm. always amazed at the resiliency of children.

will had some great pieces. he would load the car,
and announce we were going fishing. poles in the car.
and we were headed to places unknown. dragging our
gear down ravines with four, small children always made
me nervous. or we would go to the highest mountain
lake where almost no one feared to go. beautiful and
magnificent. on warm week-ends, will would rent
one of the flat boats. i'd fix sandwiches and treats,
and it was just fun being together.

the children started with b.b. guns we got taylor
and brock one Christmas. we'd take turns trying to
hit targets. at a dark, encased building in chicago,
will would rent a couple of different guns, and we
would go to the dark firing range.

in chicago, you never mentioned guns. it is NOT the
wild west. one night we were there, and a woman and
man walked in with brief cases at their sides. they
looked at no one. very slick and sharp, and a tiny, bead
of moisture ran down my spine. i was positive they
were a hit team. will was fearless, so we just proceeded
with our plan.

will really loved all of us, but i don't think he had a father
to model after. thus, we were all scared. i didn't know
what he might make the children do if i wasn't there to
keep them safe. and yes, i had my own level of failures.
but i believed in fun and kindness, and helping the
children feel safe.

will would line the boys up 2,3,5,and 6 yrs. old, and
announce they were going to practice hand-shakes.
it's something alot of fathers need to do. i wish i had
more adventures to share, but they kind of got lost
amidst all the craziness around us. for some, translating
love was a natural, and for others, it was chinese and
russian and beyond grasp.

i do believe children need a mother and a father.
sometimes that is not possible. so take off your
hats. bend and bow and smile at the corners of
your mouths and eyes. and enjoy the amazing
and beautiful world small people bring to us. from
the very beginning of time, God understood how much
we needed to learn from children. blow a kiss.
take a lazy walk and pick some flowers off shrubbery.
and never, ever forget that children know far more
about life and joy than any of the rest of us.

1 comment:

  1. Was thinking of u earlier Ann.. wondering how you've been. I'm a single parent and i've already gone through being a single parent before. This time, seems harder. My other son is 26 and this one is 13.. Fun, fun....:) Yes, children teach us so much and you are sure right when u say they know more than the rest of us.. Jesus loves the little children, so innocent, so pure.. if only we could keep them safe forever, wouldn't that be wonderful? Be Blessed and i can't wait for your next blog! Love you............